blah, blah, black sheep

Ten Things I Used To Want To Do

2010-03-09T00:30:00.002-05:00

10. Win an Oscar.
9. Have kids.
8. Buy a sewing machine.
7. Teach.
6. Not go gray.
5. Get a tattoo on my hip.
4. Live in California.
3. Sing well.
2. Be liked by everyone.
1. Learn to make lists.

Bring Out Your Dead

2010-02-07T23:17:00.003-05:00

I rescued this blog. From what I'm not sure. It disappeared. I did not.

I've lost some images, but thanks to blogger/google, not the words. Because knowing what I thought at 28 is important. "The end is where we start from," after all.

So, here I am, a different person. But the same. It's really amazing how that happens. I hope it continues like this.

when the world is mud- luscious

2009-03-20T20:10:00.002-04:00

Spring fever's on my mind.

It's all rebirth and daylight and new. I feel a phoenix coming on...

"Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good."

2008-10-28T18:28:00.002-04:00

The residents of Alaska pay no sales or income tax. Thanks to taxes on Big Oil, each man, woman, and child gets an annual four-figure check from the government of Alaska ($3,269 this year) even if they don't work a day in their life.

One might even say that Alaska is the most socialist state in the Union.

Looks Like Someone Got Into the Manischewitz Again

2008-09-29T23:20:00.002-04:00

Walking to Sunday lunch near 14th and Kenyon...

Glenn: Does that sign say Lost Rabbi?
Me: [checking out letter-sized photocopy taped to utility pole and blowing in the wind] No, honey. It says Lost Rabbit.

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home

2008-09-24T18:35:00.002-04:00

Remember that kid who would always whine "TIME OUT!" when he was down a few points?

I'm in the Middle!

2008-09-19T13:55:00.002-04:00

This Wednesday, I shared a new discovery in the Scandinavian indiepop vein with my friends, Marching Band.

Today, Brian sent me this link, saying "you beat NPR!"

"But not the CW," I responded.

And when I think about my life, it pretty much is halfway between the two.

See You Later, Decorator

2008-09-05T10:53:00.001-04:00

Crimpalicious, originally uploaded by chrisafer.

I caught the premiere of season deaux of Top Design last night. I have no idea why I like that show. It's not really that good. If I had to come up with a reason though, it would be what I saw at the end of the episode when they ran a "this season on Top Design" teaser. The montage of Kelley Wearstler's hair-dos was enough to keep me coming back.

Also? I sort of find Jonathan Adler's brazen dorky charm completely endearing. And again, I have no idea why.

Does Palin <3 Geddes Too?!?

2008-08-29T11:31:00.003-04:00

"It sounds like a Harriet Miers decision. Let's find a woman, whether she's experienced or not."

-Joe Scarborough on MSNBC

Wherein Our Hero Realizes He's a Yuppie

2008-07-23T23:10:00.004-04:00

Me: I'll have a grande ice coffee please.
Her: You mean a medium, right, Chris?
Me (realizing I'm at Caribou and not Starbucks): Oh. Yeah.
Her: I'll let it slide this time.
Me: Sorry. I must not be awake yet.
Her: I don't mind you cheating. Just don't rub it in.

Facebook Ads Are Strange

2008-07-15T12:07:00.001-04:00

Facebook Ads Are Strange, originally uploaded by chrisafer.

Random Acts

2008-06-24T15:10:00.002-04:00

I am a philanthropic misanthrope.

It's not that I hate humanity. The inner core of me is truly bright and full of hope. My sarcastic outer layer is mostly posturing and the result of my intuition needing an outlet.

When I first saw the cute young soldier at the Salt Lake City airport in his camo (have you noticed the new pattern? it looks digital, sort of pixelated--not like olive and beige amoeba), my thoughts were a bit more lascivious than I'd like to admit. But then something happened that really made me feel good about the world.

I was waiting for my flight home (through Dallas-Fort Worth) and watching CNN near the gate's counter. The flight was a bit delayed so the area was crowded with people who were not in the best mood. I was semi-eavesdropping the conversations at the counter. Mostly people on standby or worried about making their connecting flights. Then a thin blonde woman who spoke softly so I had to strain to hear was trying to do something with the gate agent. I didn't understand. She said something like "I saw him over in 22 but he's on this flight" (we were at Gate 21).

The gate agent was (to be polite) not that bright. He was almost robotic as he asked her questions. The woman seemed a bit frustrated. Not obnoxiously so, more like she didn't want a production for what should be simple. It turns out the woman was flying first class and wanted to give her seat to the soldier. The agent motioned for him to come over, and she looked somewhat embarrassed to have to face him. The agent explained what was going on and asked to see his ticket. Sheepishly, she said to the solder, "You should fly first class. I get to do it all the time for work. It's definitely more fun, and you deserve it."

The agent was doing whatever it is those people do at those ancient computers. He asked her what she wanted to do with the frequent flier miles, which, of course, she didn't care about--she just wanted to do something nice for a stranger as close to anonymously as possible. New boarding passes were printed and exchanged. The soldier thanked the woman. She said to him "I have a soldier over there myself" and went back into the crowd of people waiting for the plane to board.

I'm not ashamed to admit I almost cried. Not because it was a grand gesture. It was precisely the small comfort she wanted to share that made it so amazing. When I lose my faith in people, I will remember that.

Sometimes, being the jaded jackass that I am, I can lose sight of the idea that supporting our troops isn't just code for supporting their errant commander-in-chief. I am truly grateful for the sacrifice those men and women have made for their country. I give them my utmost respect. I don't have to like this war to do so.

I wanted to thank her but didn't. Maybe it would have made it about her when she didn't want it to be. Maybe it would have made it about me too, which it wasn't.

What she did for him, though, she did for me. I've never flown first class. Maybe someday I will. But, as I made my way to the back of the plane, seeing him smiling in that seat did more for me than a few more inches of legroom ever could. Weeks later that act still buoys me.

I have to believe that we're here for a reason. And the best reason I can come up with is to take care of each other. It's the earnest part of me that will never die. Thankfully.

Magically Moving Goalposts

2008-05-09T11:19:00.002-04:00

Some have called Hillary's insistence to stay in the Democratic primaries "post-rational. "

I tend to agree.

And I hate to admit that there's a very cynical part of me that wonders how long until someone talks about what the "framers" intended for our country and invokes the three-fifths compromise.

I Know, Right?

2008-04-29T14:10:00.004-04:00

Glenn and I have a new favorite phrase. It's actually not that new, but we encountered it on the street the other day and have been saying it to each other ever since.

We were walking down 14th Street behind these three girls. Spring having sprung, the neighborhood was buzzing with people. And, spring having sprung, people were giving each other the once over all over the place.

The three girls in front of us caught the eye of a guy on the corner who blurted out to his buddies, "Damn!" Actually it was more like "Daahyum." Anyway, each of the three had a different reaction. The first one sort of giggled and looked down at the ground. The one on the end sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. (Okay, she was walking in front of me, so I can't be sure that she rolled her eyes, but I roll my own eyes enough times a day that I can sense when someone else is doing it. Other things I sense shall remain unnamed.)

The one in the middle, though, just kept walking and casually said "I know, right?" It was delivered perfectly. Cocky, but not arrogant. Joking, but not like she didn't believe it either. She put it out there and kept walking. With Glenn and I in hysterics behind her.

They Leave Suspicious Things in the Sink

2008-04-25T22:46:00.002-04:00

There are days when your iPod is on shuffle and you're on the bus wishing you'd slept just another 10 minutes and the song changes and you're back in your dorm room listening to a mixtape from your ex-girlfriend whose kisses tasted like cigarettes and diet coke and you wonder where she'll be fifteen years from then, which is now, and you're not quite sure what will become of anything (then or now) but it's so much better now because you know that things have a way of working themselves out.

Ugly Betty Get's Ungrammatical

2008-01-10T20:51:00.001-05:00

Punc't, originally uploaded by chrisafer.

Oh, Ugly Betty! The get does not own the real. Fashion cannot get is real.

Fat girls are supposed to be smarter.

You Say Potato, I Say Perfection

2007-12-28T11:02:00.001-05:00

"The year 2008 has been declared the International Year of the Potato by the United Nations, noting that the potato is a staple food in the diet of the world�s population, and affirming the need to focus world attention on the role that the potato can play in providing food security and eradicating poverty."

Words to live by.

This year, in honor of this bold move by the United Nations, I plan on replacing my champagne toast at midnight with a feast of potato-laden dishes. Baked, mashed, smashed, twice-baked, au gratin, french fried, scalloped, hash browned, poutineated, latkenized, and so on. Perfection, thy name is Solanum tuberosum.

Top Five Song Lyrics of 2007

2007-12-17T23:31:00.000-05:00

I did this two years ago--you know, back when I actually posted things to my blog--and I figured I'd do it again for '07(ish).

"I wouldn't trade one stupid decision for another five years of life."

"Hey! You! Stop kicking my legs! I'm doing my best. Could you pass the figs?"

"Why do I get the feeling it's time to go? You got mirrors on the ceiling. You're serving Darjeeling in your art nouveau."

"The mousy girl screams, 'Violence! Violence!'"

"I'm gonna rock your body 'til Canada Day."

If you know all five songs without googling, you should really stop reading my mind. Or at least skip to the better parts which start around page 256.

What I Did on My Winter Vacation

2007-12-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

Whither Marilyn McCoo

2007-11-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

One of the girls in my sister's senior class was voted "Most Likely to Become a Solid Gold Dancer." I could only hope such an honor is bestowed on me one day.

Right Wing Thought of the Day

2007-10-12T13:07:00.001-04:00

If only there were a Nobel Prize for War, W might have had a chance.

Idaho is the Gayest State Ever

2007-09-18T21:00:00.000-04:00

Butch Otter?? Seriously?? Your governor is named Butch Otter?!

VMAwesome

2007-09-09T23:26:00.000-04:00

As we settled down for the evening, Glenn and I watched a bit of MTV's Video Music Awards. As he put it, "Wow, it was really daring of them to let Boy Shakira open the show!"

I'll Never Tell

2007-09-07T17:35:00.001-04:00

This scene from Longtime Companion has always resonated with me. Because when I am alone I totally will belt out a show tune even though I cannot sing at all. And with precision choreography.

I have a suspicion that even the most straight-acting homo has a tell. The one thing they do that would erase all doubts about their orientation. Well aside from sodomy, I mean.

If you're bored one night, figuring out someone's "tell" can be a fun game. See that guy at the end of the bar? The one drinking a beer with his "bud" and watching the game? The one who looks like he's actually worked in his workboots? You just know at night he surfs eBay for accessories to go in his Buttercup Dollhouse Kit.

�No soy gay!

2007-09-06T00:18:00.001-04:00

�No soy gay!, originally uploaded by chrisafer.

ay carumba....