July 27, 2006
An Open Letter to Washington Post Staff Writer Korin Miller
You poor thing. Wow. I read your story this morning. Finding out that your one-true-love-of-all-time-whom-you-never-met-and (let's-be-honest) had-no-chance-in-hell-of-ever-landing is gay must be devastating. Such tragedy is only fitting to be displayed in the pages of the Washington Post--alongside other world troubles. I've only seen your story online so far, but I really hope that it made the front page of the print edition.
I can't even begin to fathom what these last twenty-four hours have been like for you.
It's really a shame. I mean, sure, I grew up having celebrity crushes on boys and knew that most of them would never be available for me. Or that I would probably get the shit kicked out of me if I put a Lance Bass poster in my locker. But you--you had to wait twenty-five whole years before you experienced anything like this.
I hope you have friends around to get you through this difficult period. If you want any tips on how to deal with this, I suggest you find your nearest high school drama club. You'll find lots of boys who can share your pain. Of course, maybe that's not such a good idea. A number of them just might be happy for a change that they have a boy that they can crush on for real right now.
July 26, 2006
Oh go fix your split ends, Ann...
"Ms. COULTER: Well, there is something narcissistic about homosexuality. Right? Because you're in love with someone who looks like you. I'm not breaking new territory here, why are you looking at me like that?"
Wow. And to think I wondered if this petition that Kyle showed me was too mean.
While I am both a narcissist and a homosexual, I don't think the two are directly related. I also wonder if anyone who has starved herself to the point of not menstruating since Reagan was in office should be bringing up narcissism.
July 19, 2006
I Don't Want To Start Any Blasphemous Rumours
The day of my birth is just around the corner (11 shopping days left). The other afternoon, I was on the phone with my sister. Probably still delirious from jetlag, I was rambling as I ambled the aisles of Giant. I mentioned that I ended up not going with the theme for a party that I had originally planned. Glenn thought it might be taken the wrong way by some people.
"What was it going to be?," my sister asked.
"Well, I'm going to be 33. So it was going to be I've Outlived Jesus!"
My sister laughed. I don't know who these people Glenn thinks would be offended by it are.
I wouldn't say that I'm a religious person, but I certainly have my opinions on what God would be like if She/He/It exists. My Jesus would find that theme hilarious.
July 18, 2006
Pop Goes the Weasel
I don't really use facebook. In fact, I think I only set up an account there to webstalk some random guy who I knew went to Maryland. This morning I logged in to see something that John mentioned. Then I saw this:
That icon has a popped collar, doesn't he?
July 13, 2006
[Possibly Racist and/or Culturally Insensitive] Dispatches from the South Pacific
Chris: If Al Qaeda was really trying to gather intel on American interests, they should totally send Japanese Muslim extremists to do the recon. They could take hours of footage of sensitive targets and no one would bat an eye. They'd just think they were typical tourists from Japan.
Glenn: I'm glad you're on our side.
July 06, 2006
July 05, 2006
Chris: I hate to admit it, but I really like that new Paris Hilton song. It's stuck in my head right now.
Glenn: Oh no. Hate. Her. How could you like that?
Chris: Please. I saw you bopping your head to "Screwed."
Glenn: No--she's useless. A boil on humanity.
Chris: And how is that different from any other pop star?
Glenn: You know...I really used to hate her because she was just famous for being a spoiled rich girl, but now that she's actually producing something and contributing to the culture, maybe it's okay to not hate her. I'm officially changing my stance on her.
Chris: Oh lord.