|
|
|
| March 31, 2006
An Open Letter to Jesse Bradford
Dear Jesse,  I read that you're in town shooting a tv show. Apparently you're playing a State Department staffer who uncovers some nefarious doings. I guess this means I'll be lunching in Foggy Bottom a lot more. While you're in town, might I recommend you stop by Guerilla Queer Bar or Taint? I'm not suggesting you're gay, but I am suggesting you'd have a lot more fun with the indie fag patrol than you would with drunken intern trash suffering anxiety attacks over the impending LuLu's diaspora. Trust me. It's not going to be pretty. Also? We've seen all of your movies, not just Swimfan. Though we may have watched it once or twice. This week. xoxo, Chrisafer March 30, 2006
When You Have Sex, It Shouldn't Sound Like Someone's Playing Yahtzee
 Oy.Seriously. Oy. Apparently, A&F has decreed that this summer's hot styles include low-rise jeans, tuggers, and manorexia. I just don't find this level of being "cut" attractive. Sure, I like muscles. I like healthy living. And, while I might look damn good in a gold lamé bikini, I'm not really turned on by men the size of Jabba the Hut. There is something to be said for junk. And more than just "whatcha gonna do with all of it?" Junk is what makes watching guys dance fun. Junk is what makes pants stay on. And, in some cases, junk is what makes pants come off. Viva la junk! Besides, life is too short to not eat cheese. March 27, 2006
I [heart] YouTube
Last week, my friend Cindy sent me a link to this "news" story about leprechaun sightings in Mobile, Alabama. Today, she showed me the power of the remix:
A Million Lights Are Dancing...
Oh Jimbo, have you heard about the new roller disco musical adaptation of one of your favorite movies? No word on when Xanadu II will hit the stage. March 23, 2006
Dear Headline Writers of America,
STOP! I know you hear a story about a coyote and you really, really want to use "wily." Don't. Thanks, Chris March 22, 2006
Thin White Wisdom
Adorable Aaron gave me a reading. I don't usually talk about work for fear of getting dooced. But it is fun to finally share my favorite co-worker nickname. Chatting with Aaron about The Go! Team, I remembered something from the concert. I share this to continue my well deserved praise for them and/or to show that I'm am the schmaltziest guy on the lower east side. 'And when the drummer got out from behind her kit to sing "Hold Yr Terror Close," she was so shy and nervous, but the crowd was screaming and full of love for her and I could see the fear melt from her with every cheer from the crowd. I really came close to tears. It was one of those honest and genuine moments that you almost can't believe is happening around you.' March 20, 2006
Everyone's a V.I.P. to Someone
 Things I said about The Go! Team before I saw them last night:"This song is awesome. It reminds me of something you'd hear during an After School Special montage where all the kids are trying to fix up the rec center for the big talent show." "If I were a superhero, I'd want The Go! Team to do my theme music." Things I said about The Go! Team after I saw them last night. "The Go! Team rocked my ducking world" (in a text message to still-in-Seattle Glenn--predictive text doesn't like the f bomb). I have seen a number of shows at Ye Olde Black Cat. I have yet to see the hipster-than-thou crowd there pogo as much, scream as loud, clap their hands and say yeah, and generally forget how cool they think are and actually be cool by being into the show in the way that I saw last night. And the enthusiasm was well deserved. The band was so tight. I was amazed. Their sound seemed so hard to reproduce live when I listened to their record. The live show surpassed all expectations, though. Who knew you could recreate that music with just six people, two drum kits, guitar, bass, keyboards, recorders, xylophones, all sorts of strange things I didn't expect, including what I think is called a wind piano. It's sampling come to life. Like Sufjan Stevens, The Go! Team makes instruments you probably haven't seen since elementary school music class completely fresh. I have my blue badge of courage still stamped on my hand, a slight bit of ringing in my left ear, and a smile on my face not even Monday morning can wipe away. If you have the chance to see The Go! Team in your city, just ducking go! March 17, 2006
Flashback
It is--to paraphrase Margaret Cho--the holiday of my people. In honor of that, I am reposting. Because really, is there anything more Irish than recylcing? St. Patrick's Day, 1998 I've come to hate this holiday, Or what it has become: Another Hallmark moment, Another good luck charm. A day for bars to celebrate The wearing of the green, Another happy hour spent Another tab received. The men who stumble home from pubs-- With clink of pints still rumbling In their ears--pause at the curb As though saluting something. Standing there with cocks in hand, All pissing in a row, The proudest sons of Ireland Hang on to what they know. The shamrock and the Celtic cross, The Guinness and the Harp, The dance, the song, linen and lace, Faint stain of famine's mark, They laugh these off like limericks And settle for a pin That reads Kiss Me, I'm Irish To praise their heritage. [For a special VH1: Behind the Poem, let me explain how one line made its way into this. When I was in grad school, one of our writing classes studied different line and stanza constructions. Starting with monostitches, then heroic couplets, then villanelles, and so on. For four-line stanzas, we looked at the ballad. We had to contribute a poem each week in that form. A few days before we were to turn our ballads in, a group of us went to a reading at the Library of Congress. I forget who the poet was but he was ancient. He looked and sounded a lot like Orville Redenbacher. Maybe he was his older brother. Anyway, at one point, he read this poem that included a line with a word you just don't expect to hear from grandfatherly gentleman. I believe the phrase "straining cock" was in the line. I can't be sure about the "straining" part but I am certain about the other word. This, of course, instigated a semi-suppressed church giggle in me. One that was less than suppressed by a number of my classmates. After the reading, as we all descended upon the cheese table (grad students are whores for hors d'oeuvres), someone came up with an idea. Okay, I came up with an idea. More of a challenge, really. "You know what this means, right? Everyone needs to incorporate the word cock into their ballad." That, you see, is how "standing there with cocks in hand" made its way into that poem. I think a number of us who participated in the challenge chickened out, quite literally, by using cock as in the bird. Only one other person used the word in the way we intended, and hers was attached to a guy who had hanged himself. I think I can safely say that mine was the best cock there.] March 16, 2006
A Different Kind of Dear John Letter
Dear John, Why does your outgoing councilmember, Sharon Ambrose, hate Butterstick? What's with all that protectionist, bald-eagle lovin', "America first!" rhetoric, Sharon? But if we are going to go for a native animal, I suggest the North American Spotted Hoodrat. Sincerely, Chrisafer March 15, 2006
Currently Loving, Video Edition
Ten Reasons You Too Should Love The Video for Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twin's "Rise Up With Fists!" 1.) The song is, quite simply, stunning 2.) Sarah Silverman is the new David Cross 3.) It's a motherfuckin' Hee Haw parody 4.) Sequined overalls 5.) High PHD quotient (as in Pentacostal Hair-Dos) 6.) The lyric "it was not pretty/but she was" 7.) Blue eye-shadow 8.) Adorkable drummer 9.) The Dating Game-esque blowing kiss at the end 10.) Song titles with exclamation points are just cooler March 14, 2006
The Week in Glenn
In the last few days, my significant other has fallen down stairs at work and sprained his ankle, had two teeth extracted in preparation for impending braces, and will be boarding a plane to the Pacific Northwest in a few hours for his "spring break." It's been a busy week keeping up with the boy. It's pretty easy for me to pinpoint my favorite moment with him, however. Saturday afternoon, as we drove to a men's clothing shop for him to have some pants altered, we went around Dupont Circle. The sneak peek of spring brought all the boys to the yard. One gentleman--in his mid-50s I'd say--was headed towards the Circle. Despite the beautiful weather, he was wearing a sweater. A sweater tied around his neck in that "preppy asshole/superhero cape" sort of way. "Oh, that's not cute," Glenn said. "Lately, I've gone from making fun of that look to being actively angry about it." March 09, 2006
They Shoot Ponyboys, Don't They?
 The other night, as my posse and I were watching 24, I caught myself blurting out, "What the hell happened to C. Thomas Howell? He looks ancient!"Oh, that's right, The Outsiders was made 23 years ago. He's almost 40. Even children get older. And I'm getting older too. Still, I know plenty of guys in their late 30s and early 40s who are downright hot. Personally, I blame the blackface makeup used in Soul Man on Howell's premature aging. Those families in Black. White. best watch out. March 08, 2006
Total. Fucking. Bullshit.
I'm sorry--I didn't realize I'd spent the whole season watching Project Promdress. March 07, 2006
Argh! Sarsgaard!!
As if we all needed yet another reason to love Hank Stuever, there's this from the WaPo chat about the Academy Awards: Potomac, Md.: So did you see or speak with Jake Gyllenhaal? He is so fine and seems very down to earth, too.*sigh* Sarsgaard. *sigh* Some people tease me about my liking Peter Sarsgaard. There are those who find it odd I was actually more excited about Sarsgaard than Gyllenhaal in Jarhead. There are even some who have called P.S. "kinda creepy looking." You all can go to hell. I'll head towards stubble heaven. March 06, 2006
Sanitized for Your Rejection
Perhaps because they know of my love for the "Since U Been Gone" Video, this morning both John and Kenneth sent me the New York Times article on the Kidz Bop phenomenon. My favorite part of the article? When Disney reveals that in addition to Devo 2.0, "in 2007 Disney Sound plans to introduce the Po-Go's, a group of children who will sing songs by the Go-Go's." As you can imagine, this induced a giggle and then a flurry of kiddified band names. I really can't wait for the new albums from The Cuddle Pistols or Jane's Good Habits. March 03, 2006
World Tour, Media Whore (Please the Press in Belgium)
I'm no Peter Parker, but a photo I took last Friday night found its way to Harmonium today. You should go check it out. In the picture, you can see lead singer Torquil Campbell in the midst of "leaping up high on the forestage, dangling from the lighting grid, and clearly having a fun time working the crowd up with his antics," to steal the words of DCist Jason. As I was taking that picture, I was reminded of the first concert I went to without adult supervision. I was a freshman in high school. A girl I dated and my best friend at the time went to see the Sugarcubes at Georgetown University's Gaston Hall. At one point during the show, the lead singer who wasn't Björk (you know--Einar Örn) climbed up to the balcony where we were seated and jumped over our heads. I hope 18 years from now I'm still watching male lead singers try that hard.
Is That a Gunn in Your Pocket?
I learn a great deal about the D.C. roots of celebrities from express. A few weeks ago, I found out from the paper that Star Jones-Reynold's family is local. Apparently whenever she's in town, they eat at the Red Lobster in Waldorf (I wonder if she knows about the new Hooters that opened up there?). Today, I learned that Project Runway's Tim Gunn lived here until he was 30. Of course our native son doesn't have the kindest words to say about our fair burg: Speaking of home visits, do you ever come back to D.C.?*sigh* Tim, next time you're in town, I'll take you to places where people can dress. Honest. Oh, and maybe you, Andrae, Star and I can hit the Red Lobster! March 02, 2006
Claymates Will Cut You
At the risk of pissing off a million Claymates, I just have to say that aside from "George W. Bush got re-elected," the words I most wish I'd never heard/read in my life may be: no one wants to see this its boring and white And just before lunch, too! March 01, 2006
How to Save a Bad Morning with Flash Animation and Australian Alternative Music
Sometimes, you just want to start a day over. After arriving early(ish) at the office to take care of a few things before anyone had a chance to interrupt me, I found that my computer wasn't working. There seemed to be no power. I tried to check the outlet, but apparently the "furniture" in my office was built in such a way that I would have to disassemble my desk to gain access to the outlet. In the process of moving things around to discover this, I cut my finger (note to self: dry skin cracks--use more Burt's Bees). Eventually the problem was fixed, but after dealing with it for a good bit of the morning, I was in a foul mood. I believe everyone should have an arsenal of Internet gems that realign their emotional chakras. My go-to clip is the Wormseye video for the Kidz Bop version of "Since U Been Gone." It sits in the upper right corner of my office desktop. I needed something different, though, this time. I needed a dancing bunny.  "Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me" Does anyone else have Web clips they rely on to cheer them up? I think I might need a longer list. |
|
||||
 
|