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| December 31, 2005
December 27, 2005
Overheard in DC: The "I'm the Pacey!" Edition
 "Oh, it got all Dawson's Creek up in here."--a customer at a crowded Northeast DC video game store after Glenn and I, being the only white people around, walked in p.s. Dawson's Creek slash fiction (such as the stories found here) makes me giggle. December 23, 2005
Overheard in DC
Girl: It's U Street. Boy: No, this is Logan Circle. Girl: But U Street is just one block away. Boy: No, this area is Logan Circle. Girl: We're on T--I can see U Street from here. Boy: Nobody calls it that though. It's Logan Circle. Girl: Isn't Logan Circle like five blocks that way? Boy: It's Logan Circle! --outside of Cafe St-Ex, Wednesday night at about 7:20 PM Would a bigamist call one of his wives his better third? --inside my head, last night, on the 52 heading down 14th Street at about 9:50 PM My Lovely Lady Lumps *ding* --the Eagle, this morning, around 12:45 am December 22, 2005
Runway As a House
I felt like a very, very bad gay because I didn't watch Project Runway last season. Thanks to a second season premiere kickoff party at la casa de Schtzo, I can officially reclaim my good-gay status. I'm completely hooked on this show. I originally felt like I had to pull for Emmett since we share the same last name, but then I realized that's not always a good indicator of character. Besides, he can't sew. It's much easier to say who I want to fail and fail miserably: Santino. I know I am not alone in my utter disdain for all things Santino. The Internets hate him. But like all antagonists on reality shows, we secretly want him to stay just a little bit longer. He needs to make Andraé cry (again). Kara needs to threaten to cut his wee wee off. And, of course, he needs to get into it with Zulema until they both are staring at each other, forefingers extended and circling in front of their opponent's face. Sort of like a homo vs. sista lightsaber duel.  I totally snatched the above overdramatic animated gif of Andraé from fourfour. His recaps of Runway are spot-on. And as an added bonus, check out his write-up of Christmas with the Browns. Lovely.
Spies Like Us.... They Really Like Us
 I'm sure many left-leaning and gay bloggers are be a bit concerned after reading the news that the NSA under George Bush has been party to un-checked spying on Americans. Or maybe after hearing about the FBI investigations into organizations like PETA, the ACLU, and Catholic Workers groups. Perhaps some are even alarmed that "Pntagon [sic] officials have spied on student groups opposed to the military's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' ban on openly gay military personnel." (p.s. someone wanna get the NY Blade a spell-checker?)But how many of those concerned lefty gay bloggers have significant others who've written a congratulatory e-mail to George Bush thanking him for bringing theocracy to Iraq? At this point, I would like to give a shout out to my new readers from pentagon.mil and secretservice.gov. Welcome, guys! December 21, 2005
Top 5 Guilty Pleasures of 2005
5.) The Wormseye video for the Kidz Bop cover of "Since U Been Gone" This little gem sits on my desktop at work. When stress levels get high, my office door shuts and I jam with the Walrus on drums and the little screaming Asian boy. Never underestimate its healing powers. 4.) All Things Tyra  (fierce) 3.) Laguna Beach Come for the Jason. Stay for the Kristin. The teen queen of the eyeroll stole my heart. So much so I'd wear the shirt. 2.) Watching Glenn watch Hardball Nothing gets Glenn's pulse racing like a little Hardball. He screams. He hollers. He sometimes even throws things across the room. Suddenly it's an hour later and he's red in the face. I've put 911 in our speed dial since I'm sure the coronary's coming any moment. 1.) Star Magazine How could you not love features like "Normal/Not Normal," "What Would Their Baby Look Like?," or "Knifestyles of the Rich & Famous." Unadulterated trash. December 20, 2005
The Mystery of Ward Nine
 Almost every day on my way to work I walk past this sign. It's at the end of my block, where the city is building some rec center. If you don't live in D.C., you might not understand why this map is so puzzling to me.There are eight wards in Washington, D.C. as you can clearly see in this entry from our good friends at Wikipedia. So when I first saw this map with all of the wards of the city labeled, I thought, "Hey, why is there a #9 there?" Ward 9 is sometimes used as a nickname for PG County, the place I called home for the first twenty-some years of my life. The county got this moniker after the migration of much of the black middle class from D.C. to the close-in suburbs to the east of the city. It's quite common to see cars from "Ward 9" double-parked outside of churches. But the Ward 9 on that map isn't PG County. In fact, what's labeled as "Ward 9" there are more commonly known as the Potomac and Anacostia rivers. I can only take this to mean that Jimbo has been right in keeping a watchful eye on the snakeheads. The invasive species, power hungry after their starring role in a Sci Fi original picture, must now be demanding representation on the D.C. City Council. In just a few years, they--like yuppie lawyers--have become a powerful force in local government. I expect a contentious race for this new seat. Will it be filled by a young Sam Brooks-esque upstart like Aquaman? Or perhaps this election will confirm my long-held suspicions that Carol Schwartz is somehow related to the Creature from the Black Lagoon.   And you thought that was cigarette tar she was covered in! December 13, 2005
December 09, 2005
Chrisafer's Guide to Non-Gay Gays on Friendster
Every once in a while, I find myself at everyone's favorite social networking site. Often I'll find a profile for someone who never says he's gay but certainly seems it. My curiosity gets the better of me in these cases and I tend to scour their profiles for clues. I once sent John a link to a profile and asked "gay?" His reply ("shirtless pic=gay") is a handy rule of thumb. I've come up with some others that might raise a pink flag:
December 07, 2005
AFA Boycotts X-afer
Today I received a letter from Donald Wildmon, Chairman of the American Family Association in Tupelo, Mississippi, informing me that he's calling on his flock to boycott me, Chrisafer. It seems that like President Bush's holiday cards, I'm guilty of trying to erase Jesus Christ from the public sphere. "By taking the 't' from your Christian name Christopher and bastardizing its spelling, you are in effect removing the Lord from your life and turning your back on the tradition that makes America a blessed nation," Wildmon said. It's a little known fact that 70-80% of my readers are part of the "2,960,304 Members Strong and Growing!" American Family Association. Facing a crushing boycott like this, I have no choice like to crumble like Ford. From now on, I shall be known as JesusChristafer. Because surely this is the most pressing thing for Christians to worry about in the world today. December 06, 2005
Connecting the Dots
So I was watching Logo's NewNowNext because I'm so its target demo that I've started predicting what they'll play next (Carnac says "Juicebox" by The Strokes), and of course I was utterly thrilled to see Morningwood's beautiful video for "Nth Degree." I've mentioned before that Morningwood is a band I'm totally in heart with right now. It's a wonderful video and I danced around the living room in my underwear, as I am wont to do. Then, when the credits pop up at the end, I notice its director is listed as Wormseye. It hits me. Wormseye are the lovely people behind the video for the Kidz Bop version "Since U Been Gone." Somehow I'd missed that they also were the crew responsible for Morningwood's "Jetsetter." I'm in total awe of you, Wormseye. Please continue to delight me! December 01, 2005
Dollywood Ending
So... Tennessee. I guess I'll start in the middle. The day after Thanksgiving, most of the family went to Dollywood.  I love Dolly Parton. As I've said before, "If someone asks you what your favorite Dolly Parton song is, it really should be a difficult decision." I love her music. I love her movies (to be fair, I haven't seen Rhinestone). I loved when she played Charlene's guardian angel on Designing Women. So I thought I would love Dollywood. I didn't love it.  I didn't hate it either, though. True, it was very cold that day, which made riding rides difficult. The lines for the good rides were long as well. The shows were mostly booked. And I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing the Confederate flag that much.The crafts were interesting, but I'm just not that old or gay yet. And I have no idea why--probably too many years in grad school trying to impress boys reading Baudrillard--but the term simulacrum kept coming to mind. Trying to preserve the Smoky Mountain traditions may be a noble goal, but is a theme park the best route?  I think what was missing most from Dollywood was Dolly herself. Aside from Dolly's Dressing Room--where I wish I hadn't been too embarrassed to grab someone to snap my picture with the life-sized cardboard cutout of Dolly, just beneath the poster for Straight Talk--and a few other plaques, the place seemed very much like any other theme park. Maybe I didn't find the right spots. Maybe I was just cold and overwhelmed by the crowds. Maybe my expectations of it being more like a DollyCon than an amusement park were way off. Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine.It wasn't what I expected, but most things aren't. The key is to roll with the punches and still have fun. That's what Dolly would do. You can see more pictures from my trip to Dollywood here. |
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