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| July 29, 2005
Me and the Bossy Blondes
One of the joys of having a Fakester on Friendster is that you are reminded of your own birthday. That, and having clueless men in the greater Los Angeles area hit on you.  Speaking of everyone's favorite social networking site, I suggest you immediately befriendster Collars DOWN if only for the sheer joy of reading bulletin board messages like this: The girls of "Laguna Beach" need to learn (before the next season starts) that it doesn't matter how rich you are. Popping your collar just makes you look cheap.Amen, sister! July 27, 2005
We Are All in Some Way Or Another Going to Reseda
Guess who got an email that read "Just Announced Shows at the 9:30 Club: W 9/14 Mike Doughty" and giggled? Guess who gets moved to tears by "Move On" from The Future Soundtrack to America? Guess who just bought the Mike Doughty EP from iTunes? Guess who's going to probably be in Jersey City for work that day? Some days I'm convinced the fates are just toying with me. July 26, 2005
So Much Cooler than Kidz Bop
Last night at Fort Reno, one of the singers mentioned Pancake Mountain. I'd never heard of it, but fortunately my friend filled me in. How cool. It almost made me want kids. Then I remembered that I can just buy a ticket to a Ted Leo show and not get stuck paying for anyone's college tuition. It's still fun to watch the kids rock out. And to think, I thought the only thing worth watching on DC Public Access was the fashion show that is Hand Dancing Night at Deno's. Thanks to Pancake Mountain's link for Captain 20 (who came to my elementary school!) I'm also having flashbacks of Howard Huge and Chef Combo. The level of nostalgia I'm feeling right now is slightly disturbing. July 25, 2005
From the Mouths of Babes
Eight Lyrics From Songs on Kidz Bop 8 That I Never Wanted to Hear Children Sing Boulevard Of Broken Dreams "What's fucked up and everything's alright / Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive / And I walk alone" Obsession "Its early in the morning / And my heart is really moaning / Just thinkin' 'bout you baby / Gots me twisted into things" Caught Up "This girl was mean--she really turned me out. / Her body was so tight / I'm lookin' for her in the daytime with a flashlight" Vertigo "Your love is teaching me ...aaaah / How to kneel" 1, 2 Step "Stroke my stuff, / And yes I flaunt it, / Goodies make the boys jump on it." 1 Thing "My car keys are jingling in my hand. / My high heels are clicking towards your door." Karma "I remember when I was sittin' home alone / Waitin' for you 'til 3 o'clock in the morn / Night after night knowing something goin' on" Take Me Out "So if you're lonely, / You know I'm here waiting for you. / I'm just a crosshair, / I'm just a shot away from you." July 20, 2005
Take Me Out
Last night I went to Night OUT with the Nationals presented by Team DC. It was lots of fun and the home team won. Carol Schwartz was there waving to the gays (whom she loves even if she doesn't really support their right marry). I think it's funny that some people don't think gay guys and sports mix. Why, just this morning, my friend Dan sent me this movie that proves that point so very wrong. July 19, 2005
Possible Reasons Karl Rove Told Matt Cooper He'd "Said Too Much"
 1. Cooper misheard. Rove actually said he'd "fed too much." You knew he was a vampire, didn't you? 2. Rove still had his iPod playing in one ear and was singing along to R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion." 3. Rove is a lying sack of shit who uses his office for political gain even if it endangers those working to protect our country.
Internet Lemmings
Following his lead, I went and joined audioscrobbler. Because if there's someone else out there who listens to Dolly Parton, the Shins, Lindsay Lohan, Jay-Z, and Bread, I want to meet him. Addendum: Apparently I broke the plugin so my audioscrobbler's not updating. Now you can't see the very sad number of times that I've listened to Charlotte Church's "Crazy Chick" this morning. John was right, pop music is better after a few double vodkas. I mean her, not me. July 16, 2005
Loose En..
This is just a
July 15, 2005
Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
Last night, I saw two bands at DC9: Mac Attack and Athens 83, who paid homage to Fleetwood Mac and R.E.M. respectively. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. What I got was an overwhelming flood of memories and nostalgia, as well as an appreciation for what a good tribute band does. When Athens 83 took the stage (complete with Michael Stipe's stand-in wearing a t-shirt with "Free Borf" written in marker on the back), I was taken back to middle school, when I first discovered R.E.M. I had this strange memory of calling some 976 number that IRS records had. Does anyone else remember that? Did I just make that up? Also, although they didn't play the song, I was reminded that one of my first boy crushes was the kid in the "End of the World" video. I wonder where he is now. Mac Attack took me back to my sister's high school graduation party. I had graduated from kindergarten earlier that day (in my powder blue three-piece suit with clip-on tie). I remember leaning against a speaker talking to one of my sister's friends while Rumours was on the record player. She told me how deaf people got close to speakers like that to feel the vibrations of the music as I stared at the album cover. Looking back, since it was the seventies and she was a seventeen year-old having a "deep" conversation with a five-year old, I can only assume she was high. Aside from all the memories, I also came away from the night with a newfound respect for tribute bands. They remind me of camp. While I'm no Sontag, I think one of the hallmarks of camp is a deep love of whatever you're laughing at--my feelings towards Lindsay Lohan, for example. No one would go through the trouble of wearing a Lindsay Buckingham 'fro or the many veils of Stevie without having an appreciation for their music and the "Behind the Music" drama of their lives. I relived the music I loved, but saw it new through the drag of a cover band. I highly recommend the experience. In other concert news, thanks to bluestatedc, I'm a winner of tickets to see Esthero--which as someone wisely pointed out just might be a Spanish Madonna tribute band. I hope she does "Lo Que Siente La Mujer." July 14, 2005
If I Were an Emmy Voter
I'd only vote in the categories I care about...and this is how I'd vote: Outstanding Main Title Design Desperate Housewives ABC The Grid TNT House FOX Huff Showtime The Life And Death Of Peter Sellers HBO Outstanding Music Composition For A Series (Dramatic Underscore) Carnivale HBO House Pilot Lost ABC The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XV FOX 24 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM FOX Outstanding Main Title Theme Music Desperate Housewives ABC Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends Cartoon Network Huff Showtime Justice League Unlimited Cartoon Network Stargate Atlantis SCI FI Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series Arrested Development FOX - Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth Everybody Loves Raymond CBS - Ray Romano as Ray Barone Monk USA - Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk Scrubs NBC - Zach Braff as John "J.D." Dorian Will & Grace NBC - Eric McCormack as Will Truman Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series Boston Legal ABC - James Spader as Alan Shore Deadwood HBO - Ian McShane as Al Swearengen House FOX - Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House Huff Showtime - Hank Azaria as Dr. Craig "Huff" Huffstodt 24 FOX - Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer none of the above--I'd write in MATTHEW FOX!! Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series Desperate Housewives ABC - Marcia Cross as Bree Van De Camp (tie) Desperate Housewives ABC - Teri Hatcher as Susan Mayer Desperate Housewives ABC - Felicity Huffman as Lynette Scavo (tie) Everybody Loves Raymond CBS - Patricia Heaton as Debra Barone Malcolm In The Middle FOX - Jane Kaczmarek as Lois Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series Alias ABC - Jennifer Garner as Sydney Bristow Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson Medium NBC - Patricia Arquette as Allison Dubois The Shield FX - Glenn Close as Capt. Monica Rawling Six Feet Under HBO - Frances Conroy as Ruth Fisher Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series Arrested Development FOX - Jeffrey Tambor as George Bluth Sr. Entourage HBO - Jeremy Piven as Ari Jacobs Everybody Loves Raymond CBS - Peter Boyle as Frank Barone Everybody Loves Raymond CBS - Brad Garrett as Robert Barone Will & Grace NBC - Sean Hayes as Jack McFarland Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series Boston Legal ABC - William Shatner as Denny Crane Huff Showtime - Oliver Platt as Russell Tupper Lost ABC - Naveen Andrews as Sayid Lost ABC - Terry O'Quinn as John Locke The West Wing NBC - Alan Alda as Senator Arnold Vinick Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series Arrested Development FOX - Jessica Walter as Lucille Bluth Everybody Loves Raymond CBS - Doris Roberts as Marie Barone Two And A Half Men CBS - Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper Two And A Half Men CBS - Conchata Ferrell as Berta Will & Grace NBC - Megan Mullally as Karen Walker Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series Grey's Anatomy ABC - Sandra Oh as Cristina Huff Showtime - Blythe Danner as Izzy Huffstodt Judging Amy CBS - Tyne Daly as Maxine Gray The Shield FX - CCH Pounder as Det. Claudette Wyms The West Wing NBC - Stockard Channing as Abigail Bartlet Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series Desperate Housewives ABC - Kathryn Joosten as Mrs. McClusky (tie) Desperate Housewives ABC - Lupe Ontiveros as Juanita Solis (tie) Everybody Loves Raymond CBS - Georgia Engel as Pat Malcolm In The Middle FOX - Cloris Leachman as Ida Will & Grace NBC - Blythe Danner as Marilyn Truman Outstanding Individual Performance In A Variety Or Music Program The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central - Jon Stewart, Host The Tonight Show With Jay Leno NBC - Jay Leno, Host 58th Annual Tony Awards (2004) CBS - Hugh Jackman, Host Tracey Ullman Live & Exposed HBO - Tracey Ullman, Performer Whoopi Back To Broadway - The 20th Anniversary HBO - Whoopi Goldberg, Performer Outstanding Comedy Series Arrested Development FOX Desperate Housewives ABC Everybody Loves Raymond CBS Scrubs NBC Will & Grace NBC Outstanding Drama Series Deadwood HBO Lost ABC Six Feet Under HBO 24 FOX The West Wing NBC Outstanding Reality Program Antiques Roadshow PBS Extreme Makeover: Home Edition ABC Penn & Teller: Bullshit! Showtime Project Greenlight Bravo Queer Eye For The Straight Guy Bravo Outstanding Reality-Competition Program The Amazing Race CBS American Idol FOX The Apprentice NBC Project Runway Bravo Survivor CBS Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series Arrested Development Sad Sack FOX Arrested Development Sword Of Destiny FOX Arrested Development The Righteous Brothers FOX Desperate Housewives Pilot ABC Everybody Loves Raymond Finale CBS Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series House Three Stories Lost Pilot ABC Lost Walkabout ABC Rescue Me Pilot FX The Wire Middle Ground HBO Outstanding Writing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program Da Ali G Show HBO The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central Late Night With Conan OBrien NBC Late Show With David Letterman CBS Real Time With Bill Maher HBO July 13, 2005
BORF is from the Suburbs. SHOCKING!!!
DCist reports Borf has been arrested. In no time at all, I've received an e-mail shilling a Cafe Press store selling "Free Borf" merch. It all makes me want to go out and do something illegal just so I can make a few extra bucks off the "Free Chrisafer" fannypacks. July 12, 2005
Robert Novak: Like Satan without the Charm
Tonight, I shared with Glenn the video of White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan turned into chum for the circling sharks of the White House press corps. It must feel good for them to finally act like real journalists. I'm sure Scotty wishes someone would beam him up right about now. I'm hoping for more Helen Thomas grilling his chubby ass. (By the way, have you ever noticed how McClellan and Karl Rove both look like adult fetuses? Maybe that's why Bush is so opposed to stem cell research....). That noise you hear in the background is Glenn screaming obscenities. He's a passionate boy. It's a good thing we don't live closer to the White House--I think he might take Rove on mano-a-mano. Personally, I'm more pissed off that Judith Miller is in a jail cell. (You should sign the Free Judith Miller petition. It's like the Feed Lindsay one, only about something we might be able to change). If anyone should be in jail, it's Robert Novak. Granted, he did have to share the stage with Tucker Carlson, Paul Begala, and James Carville--which I don't think they even make people do at Gitmo, but he's the one who actually wrote an article about the damn thing. Judith Miller did not. I'd love to hear about Novak becoming Adebisi's prison bitch. Though, I hear he's pretty wily for an old man. Maybe The Prince of Darkness would thrive in prison. "I'll give you a carton of smokes and the names of three CIA agents if you shank that guard who called me a traitor." July 11, 2005
Have an Otter Body Experience!
Yes, everyone's all atwitter about the National Zoo's recent birth. The pandamonium (which you can partcipate in via webcam) is good news for a zoo that's had its fair share of troubles recently. Personally, when Glenn and I were at the zoo on Saturday, I was much more interested in the otters. Otters are wonderful. Ask Kyle.
TiVo Alert: Trashy with an Accent
While watching Little Britain on BBCAmerica the other night, I nearly skipped over a preview for next week's U.S. premiere of Footballers' Wives. Judging from the Sunday night timeslot and promo proclaiming "They're not desperate," I can only assume BBCAmerica is hoping to fill the void left by that other prime time soap's summer hiatus.  I did notice a familiar face in the preview: Gary Lucy, whom Glenn and I grew fond of when we stayed in London a few years back. Then he was playing Luke Morgan on the teen soap Hollyoaks. The week we happened to be there was a very special episode™ of the show in which his character was sexually assaulted by a rival soccer team in the locker room. It was then that I turned to Glenn and said, "This is certainly no 90210." Gentlemen, start your engines. July 08, 2005
Summer Survival Tips
  * Wear sunscreen, but be wary of other products.* Drink plenty of (Kabbalah) water. * Always practice the buddy system. * You can eat and swim, but don't drink and swim. * Scratch that. Just don't swim. * Or drive. Photo of a very red me courtesy of vacationmate John. For the record, I believe his camera made me look much redder than I actually was. Or maybe that was the vodka sodas. July 05, 2005
Pink is the New Skincolor
At 5:30 this morning, I was still at the beach. Now, I'm sitting at my computer wondering how long until my nose starts to peel. Life can be so unfair. There were many, many wonderful moments from the weekend. Mostly, Glenn and I lucked out with really good company, sunny days, and splashy surf. There was also a lot of fun people watching. Not just the "that boy with the chinstrap beard is hot" kind either. One day we sat a few blankets away from a gaggle of boys who must have been taking a break from their roles in the all-male version of Designing Women. Viva la Sugarbakers! Dear Hooters,Glenn and I also came to refer to Cheetos all weekend as "Saddam Snacks" thanks to a GQ article I read on the ride down. Okay, not so much read as skimmed and looked at the pictures of the comely guards. Pardon me now as I return to rubbing in the aloe vera gel and trying to figure out how to make my sunglass lines less pronounced. |
Sister Bernadette's Barking Dog: The Quirky History and Lost Art of Diagramming Sentences - Kitty Burns Florey  Sublimation Point - Jason Schneiderman 
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