blah, blah, black sheep    
butcher's chart
 
January 29, 2005
Oh, Apollo

Sci-Fi's Battlestar Galactica is shockingly well done. I really didn't expect the series to be as good as it is. The acting and writing are as good as almost anything you'll find on TV.

Oh, and there's some eye candy too...


Thanks to Dan for sending this my way. I mean really. Thank you. A lot.




January 28, 2005
Let the Music Play

There are times when I feel like we're living in rich times. At least when it come to technology and art. Politically, I'm not so sure. I love the Internet. I love how it's opened me up to music I never would have found before. I love that it keeps bringing me more.

For example, Rich Morel's posted a video for "If You Love Me," a song I happen to love. The whole album is really wonderful, but there was a moment this fall, when I was driving through Rock Creek Park late at night with the windows down, just about the time of the first chill of the season, when this song came on and I felt completely right with the world. One of those moments when you escape your life long enough to look down on it and smile and be thankful for all that you have. When you realize that wanting is a part of life, and it's the part that keeps us moving forward. Wanting to spend time with those you love. Wanting to be your best. Wanting to be wanted.

The other musical gem I got today came from the co-coolest person in my family. A Rare Essence cover of "Pieces of Me." Outside of the DC area, I think most people's exposure to Go-Go is limited to EU's "Da Butt." Sometimes that makes me sad.

Ashlee Simpson may not be the most talented person, but that song is damn catchy. If you want to hear it and don't work for the RIAA, drop me a line.




January 27, 2005
Paige Davis Sex Tape: Exclusive Photo

It's much worse than we thought. The video features a Tinkerbell-like dog. No word on if a cell phone is involved.



Our intrepid friends over at Beaverhausen have alerted me that Joe Farrell has not been fired. That was just a rumor. Like everything else on the Internets. Except what you read here.

Earlier this week, on the "90 Second Pop" feature on CNN's American Morning, it came out that the panelists were under orders not to bring up a certain reason she may have been fired. From the transcript:

ADAMS: I think she probably just didn't play her office politics well. She was, you know, out there the field changing people's houses and didn't keep the back office in mind.

O'BRIEN: Well, also -- I mean, wasn't there some issue where she was flashing her thong to people and maybe getting...

ADAMS: She did a striptease.

O'BRIEN: Did a little strip -- what? Toure is sitting here like the cat that swallowed the canary.

(CROSSTALK)

ADAMS: He knows the whole story.

O'BRIEN: You do?

ADAMS: He knows the scoop.

TOURE: Yes.

O'BRIEN: OK.

TOURE: Well, I was specifically told not to say it, so I'm not saying it.

O'BRIEN: OK, well don't.

ADAMS: He has been censored.

BOROWITZ: OK. Well, I'm glad we're driving more people to the Internet. That's very good. That's our job here.

O'BRIEN: Well, I'm glad...

ADAMS: It has to do with S-E-X. We're not saying anymore.

BOROWITZ: Oh, OK.

TOURE: I don't want the lightning bolt to hit me.

O'BRIEN: Oh, some people have Watergate. I have Paige Davis as my secret scandal that we won't reveal.
Thanks, Toure! We here on the Internet love it when you drive people to us. Say hi to B.J. for me!

In all seriousness, the whole "sex tape" phenom is so done. I have such a hard time believing that there are not one but three sex tapes with Paige. And even if they do exist, name one person whose career has been hurt by a sex tape? Simon Rex? Pam and Tommy Lee? Paris? Condi Rice?

Hell, I might as well start filming mine now...




Strange Thoughts on the Metro (sponsored by iPod)

I know when I'm listening to "Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone" and I hear the lyrics "I asked Jerry, he told Terry, Terry sang a song just for me, Lynvall gave a message to me, Rhoda screamed" that I'm supposed to think of these people.

But really, I can't help but think of him and her and her and some guy named Lynvall.




January 25, 2005
I'm no fan of Atkins, but...

after watching the Operation-inspired video for "Title and Registration" by Death Cab for Cutie and the new Postal Service video, I think it's safe to say that Benny G. knows a thing or two about carbface.

Of course this is a condition some of my "friends" also refer to as fat Irish face. (Note: my face isn't really fat, it's just big-cheekboned.)




"I love disco, and I hear it's making a comeback!"

The other day I heard a line from some commercial for a Disco compilation sampled in the Kleptone's "A Night At The Hip-Hopera" (which is totally illegal and you should feel bad for enjoying--but, really, isn't it guilt that makes things fun?). So, when I heard "I love disco, and I hear it's making a comeback," I felt that warm blanket of nostalgia wrapped around me. Then it occurred to me, I was born in the '70s, but I wonder if some of my younger friends get that reference.

Is it like the 20somethings in upturned polo collars? Paglia has said that whenever fashion returns, it's ironic. If you weren't around the first time is it? Can you tell if something is a parody if you don't know what it's parodying? I'm not sure.

All I know is that I'm waiting for some pastiche producer to incorporate the following lines into a mashup:
"Pretty sneaky, sis."
"Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"
"I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan..."
"Calgon, take me away!"

Viva la commercial nostalgia!




January 24, 2005
Rhymes with 'Beige'

Paige Davis gets canned and the NY Post comes up with "Turn the Paige" for its headline. I guess if that's the best you can do...

According to their official release on the subject, TLC's moving Trading Spaces "to a 'host-less' format."

It's strange, though, that we haven't heard about cute little Joe Farrell getting in the unemployment line. Is there something about Trading Spaces: Family that makes it more host-dependent?

Maybe it's just that Joe's sex tape hasn't surfaced (yet).




January 21, 2005
Dem Bones

While I'm not one to kick a man while he's down, or to kick a man ever, really, I hope the message of this morning's protest at the DNC got through.

Maybe "The Balls Campaign" would be crass, but I'd say the DNC could use a set of those too. Imagine what that puppet would look like.




January 20, 2005
When Memes Attack

Based on not one but two SFC (smart, funny, and cute) people, I share the contents of my hard drives with you:

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

Tricky since I'm a multi-tasker. On the bigass home PC, 23.68 gigs (to be fair a good portion of it is Glenn's, but really after 10 years nothing is really just his anymore). On my little darling iBook another gig and a half. At work, I have 2.6 gigs.

2. The CD you last bought is:

The last two physical CDs were bought at the same time: Want Two by Rufus Wainwright and Love, Angel, Music, Baby by Gwen Stefani, but the most recent "CD" I bought was off iTunes, Roy Ayer's soundtrack to my favorite blacksploitation film, Coffy

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?


"Wonderful People" - Q and Not U

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:

Jeez, why not ask me to pick which friend shouldn't be given the antidote? Just five, eh? Okay...

"I Wish I Had An Evil Twin" - The Magnetic Fields (because I do)
"Afro Puffs" - Lady of Rage (because I'm down)
"I Believe In You" - Kylie Minogue (because I do)
"Green Eyes" - Coldplay (because he is the rock)
"You're One" - Imperial Teen (because I am too)

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?

Hmm, so many people I know eschew memes, but what the hell....
Kyle, because he doesn't have a day job yet.
Jimbo, to see if ONJ makes the list.
Jerry, to see what's going to be cool next month.




FYI

I'm renewing my subscription to Vanity Fair. And still have removed Fox News from my cable line-up. Speak the truth, baby.




"and that's when we'll explode"



As if the lead singer of the Killers wasn't enough... the Mormons strike again! Napolean Dynamite's Jared Hess directs The Postal Service's video for "We Will Become Silhouettes."

I love this song. A lot. I've come to its defense before. (P.S. The Shins do an amazing cover of it).

I'm thinking acid-washed jeans are the new black¡




January 19, 2005
Dirty Bombs: 0, F Bombs: 1

John brought to my attention that the lead singer of Fuel used a curse word at the Hitler Youth Concert for Mouthbreathers headlined by Ms. Hillary Duff.

The bigger scandal went unreported. Backstage, the Duffster was spotted doing an eight-inch line of gak off of the nude torso of a certain American Idol winner and then triple-kissing Mary Cheney and Condi Rice. Oh, Hills, you crazy kid you.

Does anyone else find it funny that a band named "Fuel" would be at a Bush-Cheney event?




January 18, 2005
The Ascension

Today I was in my office hard at work when I heard the rumble of jet engines overhead. Loud. Kinda freaky. John, who works on the next block, put me at ease saying simply "practice for Thursday."

It's almost here. I can tell by the commemorative bottles of Maker's Mark (with red, white, and blue wax) in the liquor stores.

If you're a Buffy fan, you can appreciate that I keep having this recurring image of what the event will be like based on my favorite season's finale. It ends up looking a lot like this:



If the world doesn't come to an end, then some people will be partying it up with Tony Orlando (no word on Dawn's whereabouts) Thursday night. And look, even Branson's getting in on the action. Entertainment options like this alone are worth switching parties!




January 16, 2005
Use Your Illusion

Last night at my buddy Dan's I saw the neatest thing ever made out of just a piece of paper. He got it here. You can watch a video of it here, but you should really print out your own and be the coolest kid in the neighborhood.




January 15, 2005


Word of the Day: Dykeon

Last night I watched the season premiere of Battlestar with a group of friends and a new term was coined. The coiner, Brian, is a wizard with neologisms, having previously contributed "tumbleweave" to my lexicon.

The term came up in a discussion about the character of Starbuck. (By the way, apparently the hip kids are all over using *$ to describe the coffee/chantico dealer. Adopt it fast before it's over.) Jimbo brought up how Starbuck would be a hit with the ladies, well at least the ladies who like ladies. He's right. She's damn hot. Beautiful lips, short blonde hair, and attitude. I know smoking isn't supposed to be hot in this post-whatever world, but there is something sexy about a woman with a cigar. In fact, she sort of reminds me of a former co-worker of mine the summer I came out, one of my gateway gays. So, what do you call an icon for the lesbian community? Naturally, it's a dykeon.



The real reason I was so interested in the new Battlestar Galactica is her costar, my new future ex-husband, Jamie Bamber. He's more than just a pretty face attached to a hot body. He also went to Cambridge. And played rugby. And he has an accent. And he's got a wonderfully goofy sense of humor if his interviews are any clue. And his middle name is St. John. In other words, he's a Perfect Storm. Aside from the whole being straight thing. But I'm willing to work around that.




January 12, 2005
Pour One Out for HFS

HFS, or 99.1 WHFS, which for most of my childhood kept me in a warm melancholy blanket of Smiths and Cure songs is no more. It's now El Zol 99.1. As my friend Cindy said, "I guess this means goodbye HFStivals, hola HFiestas."

Truth be told, the station was dead to me a few years ago. Sometime after megacorp #2 bought them, probably.

Before the Nirvana-led revolution renamed the music "alternative," the music HFS played was called progressive. It fit me to a tee in high school. A faded Sugarcubes tee that I wore as much as possible, in fact.

The old HFS--the real HFS, the one with Weasel and Damien and Neci and dozens of other deejays who made their mark on my musical tastes--has been gone for a while, but it deserves to be celebrated.

Adios, HFS!




Like I Need Another Reason


Tonight, after work, I came home to watch a little bit of MTV. Actually, I thought I was watching MTV Hits or MTV2 or MTV Alternate Universe because they were actually playing music videos, but it turned out it was really regular MTV. I guess it was TRL. And I realized I like that new J. Lo song. But it's okay because I'm gay so I'm held to a different standard.

Then, breaking news pops on the screen. Hilary Duff is playing the inauguration!

I'm so on Lindsay's side in that feud.

Two funny things about J20: I'm off work that day because of the coronation. You might think it's nice, but really that just means my office is close enough to the White House that I'll get the full dirty from the dirty bomb. Also, Glenn sometimes makes extra cash on the side by bartending. It turns out he's going to be working an Inaugural Ball. He was conflicted about it, but I told him he could make really weak drinks and donate his tips to the Democratic party. Or just throw a party for me. Either one.




January 11, 2005
Name that Quote

BoiFromTroy shares that Nicolette, Britney, Ashlee, and my darling Lindsay Lohan have all made Blackwell's Worst Dressed list for 2004. Also, Boi [sic] says Blackwell's a Log Cabin gurl. Talk about bad taste.

If I were with LL now, I'd lean real close and say "I wouldn't pay any attention to that. You know how bitchy fags can be!"

If you want to keep your gay card, you better know what that quote is from.




oh Alanis Morrisette we love you get up

Remember when everyone and their brother was saying that the death of irony happened after September 11? Sometimes I wish they'd been right.




January 10, 2005
Slipping from the Radio Flyer

The gays are spreading rumors about George W. Bush. I'm sure it's not true. I mean, he stopped drinking cold turkey in 1986(ish).

Either way, you can download "Off Again" by Eiffel Tower and sing along with me.




January 07, 2005
Top Five TV Moments of 2004

5. Saturday Night Live's parody of the final episode of Sex & The City: There are so many things to love about this. Christina Aguilerra's impersonation of Kim Catrall's Samantha is spot on. The skewering of the puns that grew tedious as SATC came to a close. This skit proves that more than ever before, SNL is dominated by talented women. With Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, and Rachel Dratch, who needs men? Well, aside from Seth Meyers.

4. America's Next Top Model meets You Got Served meets Girlfight: When Tiffany, the ghetto girl with the heart of gold extensions, gets into a dance-off with some trashy LA locals, the best quote of the year was born: "Bitch poured beer on my weave."

3. The Melt With You Challenge on Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes 2: Part slapstick comedy. Part gay porn. All good.

2. "Walkabout" on Lost: I didn't want to get caught up in this show. I really didn't. One night, though, Kyle made me watch all of the episodes that he'd downloaded (piracy makes another fan!). I really liked the first few, but it was this one that got me hooked. The episode's twist concerning Locke has made my mind go off in a million different directions about what really is happening on that island.

1. Any scene with Marcia Cross on Desperate Housewives: While I may be a Lynette, my heart belongs to Bree Van De Kamp. For me, it's always been Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.




January 06, 2005
Top Five DC Celebrities* I Want to See in 2005

5. Jenna Bush: Her new teaching job is in my 'hood, but I'd much rather see her in a bar. Preferably wasted.

4. "Toby": Preferably wasted. With Jenna.

3. Katherine Harris: She can give me make-up tips. I can get her to sign my dog-eared copy of Center of The Storm. We both can laugh at my etchings. (P.S. I didn't notice this until the other day, but she's got a little junk in her trunk. Go 'head, girl.)

2. Lynda Carter: We have so much in common... Lifetime Original Movies, contact lenses, the Dukes of Hazzard. And I used to spin around until I was loopy because of her.

1. God: People keep saying He's in the White House, but I haven't seen Him. You'd think He'd pop out every once in a while. I'm totally right across the street all day.

_________________
*I know, it's really a stretch to use the term celebrity to describe most of these people, but no more so than in the Celebreality line-up.

Which reminds me... I need to get on the phone to VH1 and pitch my latest reality show idea, Clown Rehab. Twleve steps in oversized shoes. That's hot™.




January 05, 2005
The Morning Snark

Oh Express, you know I love you. You make my morning commute snarky and that makes me happy. Today, my secret love who comes up with the bitchy captions was in full force. Any day that starts off with rips against Jennifer Garner, Nicolette Sheridan, Madonna & Guy, Leo, and Richard Gere can't be all bad.

There were so many to chose from, I'm not sure which is my favorite. And in lieu of actual content, I thought I'd post a poll to see what you thought the best headline was:
What is the best headline in today's Express?


"Yeah... Sick With Ben Affleck's Baby" (Jennifer Garner)

"Suddenly, We Care What This Woman Does" (Nicolette Sheridan)

"Ancient Kabbalists Ended Every Ritual With Costly Jewelry" (Madonna and Guy Ritchie)

"DiCaprio's 'The Beach' Finally Shows a Profit" (Leonardo DiCaprio)

"Fearing Typecasting, Gere Branches Out From Tibet" (Richard Gere)


Free polls from Pollhost.com




January 04, 2005
Debbie Downer for Secretary of State

Upon seeing Dubya with Clinton and his poppa, did anyone else wonder if our fearless leader was making foreign policy decisions based on SNL sketches?

I guess he's taking a cue from his daughter.





   

who's a black sheep? what's a black sheep? Chrisafer knows.


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