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| June 30, 2003
'Meat and 'Fer Take on the Buzz Bin Again. What would PETA think? Buzz Bin 1993: Crisafer: let's do it therealsubmeat: k. I've got the page loaded. Crisafer: well, it begins again therealsubmeat: '93: the year the Buzz went bad. therealsubmeat: wait, exposition: what happened in your world in '93? Crisafer: um, i was joe frat boy and i got drunk a lot therealsubmeat: ha Crisafer: so, nothing unlike what my life is now therealsubmeat: I finished my 2nd freshman yr of college and got hired as an RA therealsubmeat: and came out all over again Crisafer: so i guess we should start with the first one...cantaloop Crisafer: great song and all, but what have they done for me lately therealsubmeat: there's a poor public radio talkshow that uses "Cantaloop" as its theme therealsubmeat: Tony Bennett! Crisafer: where's kd? therealsubmeat: I thought it was so great to turn on MTV and see Tony Bennett. Crisafer: the breeders? therealsubmeat: LOVED them. made my 60-something advisor listen to them. Crisafer: and, madonna's favorite used that it in that song from snatch..disco science therealsubmeat: I'd created a course on music crit and reviewed Last Splash, so for context, he had to listen to it. it was so funny watching his face. therealsubmeat: it's been sampled in a lot of electronic stuff, I think Crisafer: the lemonheads...i'll always have a soft spot for them Crisafer: also, whenever I send an email to the hunky young man behind cool relax, i think of "it's a shame about ray" therealsubmeat: I prefered 'em circa "Luka." therealsubmeat: plus, my ex the whore loves that song. therealsubmeat: ha therealsubmeat: "Linger" like passed gas. Crisafer: there is still part of me that thinks evan dando and julianna hatfield's wedding would be the modern rock event of the season therealsubmeat: have always loathed Dolores and co. therealsubmeat: well, it would be, 10 years ago. Crisafer: even as irish as i am i can't understand their popularity therealsubmeat: now, the Pumpkins: huge. therealsubmeat: even though I don't love "Today" so much Crisafer: how good is that? Crisafer: the ice cream man therealsubmeat: yup Crisafer: the paint battle therealsubmeat: one of the best video artists of the '90s Crisafer: the "we're not popular enough yet to be totally pretentious" vibe Crisafer: oh wait Crisafer: bjork's human behavior therealsubmeat: I loved 'em even when they got pretentious :-) Crisafer: brilliant therealsubmeat: wait wait! you can't skip Zombie! Crisafer: oh i can therealsubmeat: so love them Crisafer: he was on lollapalooza the year i caught it Crisafer: so unimpressed Crisafer: i'm sorry--nothing there for me therealsubmeat: saw them in concert with Pantera - Pantera was scary Crisafer: of course, cause they're evil therealsubmeat: but the tix were free, and Zombie rawked Crisafer: please don't spell it that way therealsubmeat: Urge Overkill, where art thou? Crisafer: i loved their cover of girl you'll be a woman soon therealsubmeat: I loved Pulp Fiction, does that count? Crisafer: in fact, i use that phrase liberally with with my gay boy friends therealsubmeat: spelling it "gurl," of course Crisafer: oh, so getting back to the important things, bjork therealsubmeat: one of the most significant artists of the last 20 years, period. Crisafer: even when she wears an ugly swan dress, i love her therealsubmeat: same. Crisafer: and want to hug her therealsubmeat: she's so daring Crisafer: and listen to her lilting icelandic voice therealsubmeat: so willing to put herself on the edge and fall off Crisafer: and say, who the fuck cares? Crisafer: that's the sign of a true genius therealsubmeat: exactly. she's honestly original Crisafer: cypress hill....ouch therealsubmeat: I've seen them three times - not intentionally - and have never been particularly impressed. Crisafer: there was a lot of pot smoking associated with that song therealsubmeat: their live show is all "smoke pot, smoke pot" Crisafer: not by me of course Crisafer: never Crisafer: not ever therealsubmeat: of course not. Crisafer: are you listening, mom? Crisafer: never therealsubmeat: you are a good Catholic boy. therealsubmeat: the best. Crisafer: ok, so what else can you say about that song? Crisafer: it's just a pot comment and we're done therealsubmeat: yup. and can we just forget Gin Blossoms-Blind Melon-Soul Asylum? Crisafer: no Crisafer: one thing Crisafer: i fucking HATE soul asylum therealsubmeat: don't say "bee." Crisafer: so much therealsubmeat: oh, well, that's fair enough. Crisafer: and i need to bring that out in public Crisafer: i really hate them therealsubmeat: them and the Goos = shitty Mpls bands of the '80s who got even worse in the '90s and beyond Crisafer: they've done NOTHING for us therealsubmeat: not a damned thing. Crisafer: ok, but how fucking good was creep? therealsubmeat: very. Crisafer: when you heard that you had to just fall therealsubmeat: and the amazing thing is it told us nothing of what was to come Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: Pablo Honey is not that good an album, though therealsubmeat: but maybe that's more in comparison to what has come since Crisafer: they honestly could have just been bland modern rock group #4, but no Crisafer: they did it therealsubmeat: talk about living on the edge 1993 Part II therealsubmeat: Porno. therealsubmeat: good idea. therealsubmeat: middling execution. Crisafer: great song Crisafer: love how they got their name Crisafer: during the la riots therealsubmeat: yeah... but Perry needs to accept that his lot in life is to sing for Jane's. therealsubmeat: his solo album is a nightmare. Crisafer: Perry needs to get help therealsubmeat: okay, are you ready for my soapbox moment? Crisafer: go for it therealsubmeat: I will NEVER understand why everyone gives STP such grief. for my $, they're one of the most (critically) underrated bands of the decade. Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: great songs, great playing, and I LOVE Weiland as a lead singer therealsubmeat: they've NEVER sounded like a Pearl Jam knockoff Crisafer: and they were responsible for one of my favorite videos therealsubmeat: Sour Girl? Crisafer: no Crisafer: though i did like seeing buffy Crisafer: come on Crisafer: you know that i love the rehash Crisafer: so think therealsubmeat: Interstate Love Song? Crisafer: glaring white background therealsubmeat: oh, Big Bang Baby Crisafer: fuck yeah therealsubmeat: GREAT tune, too Crisafer: and the song rocked too Crisafer: why wasn't that bigger? therealsubmeat: I need to make an STP best-of therealsubmeat: 'cause they weren't "hot" by that point, and America(n corporate radio) is stupid. therealsubmeat: Neneh Neneh Neneh Crisafer: the funny thing is the buzz bin is all about repeating therealsubmeat: I know! Crisafer: i mean they tried to pump up xtc therealsubmeat: I love seeing Jesus Jones in here, 2 years past their sell-by date therealsubmeat: but back to Neneh Crisafer: brother of eagle-eye therealsubmeat: daughter of Don therealsubmeat: you know who that song's about? Crisafer: no, who? therealsubmeat: Kravitz. Crisafer: ah, after the lisa bonet thing? therealsubmeat: she toured with him and saw how Mr. Peace and Love used women like toilet paper therealsubmeat: yup. Crisafer: ouch Crisafer: well good for her Crisafer: work that shit out in song baby therealsubmeat: another artist who's always done her own thing therealsubmeat: has done some good tracks with Guru, too Crisafer: so, belly Crisafer: what was that about? therealsubmeat: so? Crisafer: tanya donnely Crisafer: pregnant and rocking therealsubmeat: it was about what's-her-face wanting to be as popular as Kim Deal Crisafer: stereo mc's Crisafer: the funny thing about that song therealsubmeat: great song. Crisafer: i remember when glenn was an r.a. he made a bulletin board that used that as it's theme--make sure you're connected therealsubmeat: another band that sounded like the future for about 10 minutes therealsubmeat: oh, no. therealsubmeat: are we posting this? ;-) Crisafer: being an ra is almost like being a kindergarten teacher Crisafer: oh hell yeah therealsubmeat: I know. I was bad at that part. therealsubmeat: almost got fired cuz I sucked at that stuff. therealsubmeat: hall activities and such. therealsubmeat: my RD really hated my "door decks" my first year therealsubmeat: I used duct tape and black magic marker - I thought they looked cool and different! more proof that I'm a bad homo, I guess. Crisafer: Digable Planets, what happened? therealsubmeat: the lead guy had a kid with Coko. Crisafer: who dat? therealsubmeat: from SWV! therealsubmeat: the lead singer Crisafer: oh Crisafer: i loved their song Crisafer: i'm so into you therealsubmeat: I think it was too much too fast for them, kinda like the Fugees Crisafer: with that jacko sample Crisafer: yeah therealsubmeat: Right Here/Human Nature, LOVE Crisafer: that's it Crisafer: yeah therealsubmeat: but SWV weren't nearly as good as Total. Crisafer: ok, this is a conversation we could have in ten years about ashanti therealsubmeat: Screaming Trees = another shitty grunge band caught up in the major-signing frenzy Crisafer: right therealsubmeat: or Monica v. Mya Crisafer: fuck you--mya rocks therealsubmeat: I'm not dissing Mya Crisafer: and i'm not just saying that cause she's an around the way girl therealsubmeat: just stating that Monica is one of her peers Crisafer: i'm serious about my love for mya Crisafer: i think she was the only one who came out of lady marmalade not looking like a cheap whore therealsubmeat: true dat. therealsubmeat: I think talking about Mya means we're done with '93. Crisafer: yes June 28, 2003
Cleaning Out the Buzz Bin Continuing in the 'meat and 'fer series of reminiscing on MTV's buzzworthy bin, we present the years 1989 and 1990. For prior years, check here. Buzz Bin 1989: therealsubmeat: look, there's Jimbo's pal Bob! Crisafer: so, 89 is a big year for the boys with socks on their cocks therealsubmeat: yeah, only 3 years before they broke so HUGE Crisafer: cowboy junkies Crisafer: them and mazzie star are all about chill out music therealsubmeat: love them therealsubmeat: Camouflage? oh, no. Crisafer: i don't remember them Crisafer: i loved camper Crisafer: so much therealsubmeat: they were that year's Real Life Crisafer: i had that cassette, it was lime green Crisafer: cause the album was called therealsubmeat: Key Lime Pie. Crisafer: key lime pie Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: The Cure's Disintegration was like the soundtrack to '89 for me Crisafer: 10K maniacs therealsubmeat: oh, Robyn! Crisafer: i saw them with my stepmother at constitution hall therealsubmeat: I never liked "Trouble Me" Crisafer: no therealsubmeat: I thought Blind Man's Zoo was a letdown after In My Tribe. Crisafer: true therealsubmeat: quiz: therealsubmeat: who cowrote "Veronica" with Costello? Crisafer: i remember the first day of sophomore year, i wore my blind man's zoo t shirt Crisafer: um Crisafer: is it a beatle? therealsubmeat: yup. Crisafer: mccartney? Crisafer: harrison! therealsubmeat: Macca. Crisafer: ahh therealsubmeat: you were right the first time. Crisafer: i should go with my intuition therealsubmeat: I didn't have ANY concert t-shirts in highschool. therealsubmeat: my first concert ever was fall '87 Crisafer: that's cause you lived in the middle of nowhere therealsubmeat: the Joshua Tree tour, at the Hoosier Dome. Crisafer: my first concert was 6th grade therealsubmeat: Los Lobos opened. Crisafer: culture club at the capital centre with my stepmom therealsubmeat: oh, wow. Crisafer: yeah therealsubmeat: later that year (senior year) I saw Dead Milkmen at an all-ages club in Fort Wayne with my friends. therealsubmeat: my friend Julie got knocked to the floor slam-dancing. Crisafer: then in 7th grade, the beastie boys with p.e. with my older sister Crisafer: who was going to let me go alone until she saw the crowd therealsubmeat: ha! therealsubmeat: was that Licensed to Ill, with PE touring on Yo! Bum Rush? Crisafer: so, with the backing of mtv, why didn't xtc have more success? Crisafer: you got it therealsubmeat: they were too intelligent for the masses. Crisafer: back when the beasties were crude therealsubmeat: same with Mould. therealsubmeat: or the 'Placemats. Crisafer: love i'll be you therealsubmeat: there's another fuckup therealsubmeat: "Peek-A-Boo" was Siouxsie. Crisafer: seriously therealsubmeat: the Pixies! so fucking rocking. Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: I've always grouped the Pixies with Sonic Youth and the Velvets Crisafer: they were greater than the sum of their parts for sure therealsubmeat: they didn't sell a lot, but they helped start a LOT of bands Crisafer: i mean, black francis, the breeders, all good Crisafer: but nothing matches the pixies therealsubmeat: though I liked the Breeders (who I bet we'll see later) therealsubmeat: not at all! Crisafer: yes Crisafer: trompe le monde was killer Crisafer: senior year of high school for me Crisafer: amazing therealsubmeat: You thought so? I thought it was so-so by their standards. Crisafer: and then in "pump up the volume" therealsubmeat: but that's following up Doolittle and Surfer Rosa. Crisafer: the inclusion of "wave of mutilation" therealsubmeat: God, Pump up the Volume was so huge for me (the movie) Crisafer: made that soundtrack Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: if there was ANY doubt I wanted to do radio, it was gone after that Crisafer: charles u. farley used to be a name i signed on peitions therealsubmeat: that + Casey Kasem = Thomas Inskeep, WRSW therealsubmeat: ha! Crisafer: because of that movie therealsubmeat: shall we move on? Crisafer: well Crisafer: i want to point out one thing therealsubmeat: please do. Crisafer: the lou reed Crisafer: listed right before the cowboy junkies Crisafer: doing sweet jane therealsubmeat: you know, to this day I think New York is his masterpiece. therealsubmeat: oh! HA! I so didn't notice that Crisafer: yeah therealsubmeat: I wonder if they ever played them back-to-back Crisafer: ok, let's move to the 90s Buzz Bin 1990: therealsubmeat: oh, no! Urban Dance Squad! therealsubmeat: now, that's a prime example - they sounded like the FUTURE then Crisafer: right Crisafer: charlatans Crisafer: night and day--that was from red hot and blue therealsubmeat: yeah, so was the Neneh therealsubmeat: I've always been surprised King's X weren't huge therealsubmeat: I mean, they died for P.O.D.'s sins Crisafer: fucking KOOL THING Crisafer: what are you going to do therealsubmeat: are you gonna liberate us girls? therealsubmeat: from male, white, corporate oppression? therealsubmeat: (yeah) Crisafer: rock therealsubmeat: (tell it like it is) therealsubmeat: (word up) Crisafer: chuck and kim therealsubmeat: fear of a female planet - THAT was the stroke of genius Crisafer: they need to team up again Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: flipping Chuck like that Crisafer: for real Crisafer: and, as you know, goo is my all time favorite album cover therealsubmeat: I do know that. therealsubmeat: did I tell you my Goo story? Crisafer: no Crisafer: i don't think so at least therealsubmeat: I still have that on cassette therealsubmeat: and if you open it up I've got all four members' autographs Crisafer: fuck you therealsubmeat: saw them on that tour therealsubmeat: waited outside in 35 degree weather in a sweaty t-shirt for an hour and a half therealsubmeat: but I got to meet 'em! therealsubmeat: Kim was SO cool therealsubmeat: she wrote "hey baby don't get the blues" Crisafer: thurston gave you a big kiss with tongue therealsubmeat: um, no, that was Lee. therealsubmeat: hate the game, not the playa therealsubmeat: something else we've gotta address Crisafer: another song from Pump soundtrack Crisafer: Joey therealsubmeat: shame they never really did anything more Crisafer: right Crisafer: what do we need to address? therealsubmeat: though I liked the single off their next album therealsubmeat: "I'm Free" = "I Melt with You" + 10 years Crisafer: yes therealsubmeat: you STILL hear that song, and it was NOT a hit therealsubmeat: and everyone still loves it Crisafer: but i remember putting it on the tape i made to accompany our senior class slideshow Crisafer: also on that tape -- Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" therealsubmeat: there's a couple real hidden gems here therealsubmeat: hahaha! therealsubmeat: just the thought of you listening to Tina.... Crisafer: ok, we need to get back to this list therealsubmeat: the Sundays! Crisafer: it's got some forgotten gems Crisafer: i saw them therealsubmeat: LOVE LOVE LOVE them Crisafer: they were amazing therealsubmeat: the perfect cross between the Cocteau Twins and Smiths Crisafer: it was a full-on sound show therealsubmeat: and didn't they come out the same time as Ocean Blue, another big Smiths influenced-band? Crisafer: you know when you see a concert and the music envelops you? therealsubmeat: oh, YEAH therealsubmeat: Sonic Youth was like that Crisafer: where the sound comes at you from all directions therealsubmeat: I always imagined Ride or My Bloody Valentine like that, too Crisafer: Garbage did that therealsubmeat: first album tour or Version 2.0? Crisafer: i felt like Shirley personally hugged everyone in the audience Crisafer: it was... Crisafer: hmm therealsubmeat: or tongue-kissed therealsubmeat: ah, we can get to Garbage later. Crisafer: actually an HFS show with them, Hole, Soul Coughing, and Everlast therealsubmeat: you know they'll be on here Crisafer: right therealsubmeat: World Party. Crisafer: the smithereens keep popping up therealsubmeat: I STILL play that album. Crisafer: why? therealsubmeat: what? oh, they were SO good. Crisafer: they were Crisafer: but Crisafer: not of the calibre of most of the rest of the list Crisafer: imho therealsubmeat: the Smithereens, I could write a book about therealsubmeat: I've sung Smithereens songs in front of an audience. therealsubmeat: with a band. therealsubmeat: I was, um, an acquired taste, I think. Crisafer: well, aren't you the coolest kid in school therealsubmeat: um, no. therealsubmeat: maybe someday if you promise not to laugh I'll play you the tape. Crisafer: baby, i can't sing Crisafer: i was in musicals in high school Crisafer: there are videotapes Crisafer: i would never laugh Crisafer: trust therealsubmeat: my best friends in HS had a band, and I helped out on a couple numbers. I sang "House We Used To Live In" and the Cure's "Just Like Heaven" Crisafer: no promises that i wouldn't snicker, however Crisafer: oh shit therealsubmeat: though we played it like Robert Smith (me) fronting Dinosaur Jr. Crisafer: i fell in love with this boy at my friend's graduation party therealsubmeat: yes? therealsubmeat: ok, go on Crisafer: his band did cover of 10:15 therealsubmeat: :-) Crisafer: and he sounded like Robert Smith and looked like mr. boy next door therealsubmeat: shit, I think I'm falling in love with him right now. Crisafer: i like all american boys with edge therealsubmeat: all kidding aside, that sounds near-perfect for when I was, like, 20 Crisafer: coincidentally, i dated his ex girlfriend in freshman year of college therealsubmeat: ew. Crisafer: and lost my virginity to her therealsubmeat: was that on the football - or soccer or lacrosse - field? Crisafer: football therealsubmeat: you mean she fucked you with a strap-on? Crisafer: no therealsubmeat: ;-) Crisafer: haha therealsubmeat: Blue Nile! therealsubmeat: I loved that album so passionately. Crisafer: "Nothing Compares 2 U" therealsubmeat: what can you say about that? Crisafer: how could you not have loved that song? therealsubmeat: PERFECT performance. Crisafer: the video? therealsubmeat: PERFECT video. Crisafer: with her face so close Crisafer: and that tear Crisafer: that single tear therealsubmeat: and don't forget the key (the secret) - the production Crisafer: amAZing therealsubmeat: you know who produced it? Nellee Hooper - he produced Soul II Soul Crisafer: you know what other song i loved Crisafer: black boys on mopeds Crisafer: oh and i'm stretched at your grave therealsubmeat: and the funny thing is that Prince's version isn't half as good therealsubmeat: really, her first two albums are ALL can't-miss. Crisafer: what other song can you think of that has "maidenhead" in it? therealsubmeat: Amen! therealsubmeat: that Psych Furs song is sad, like their last gasp Crisafer: okay, i hate to act like i'm cooler than shit therealsubmeat: however.... Crisafer: but i saw Sinead on that tour too Crisafer: she was amazing Crisafer: just her, in a red knit dress Crisafer: that's it therealsubmeat: I saw her on Palooza in - '95? therealsubmeat: the Hole year. therealsubmeat: when she dropped off halfway through cuz she was preggers. Crisafer: i saw it with my friend Philip, a German exchange student, just after taking the SATs therealsubmeat: :-) Crisafer: good times, good times therealsubmeat: the night before the SATs - here's that couple of years showing itself - I was up till 2am watching Sid and Nancy Crisafer: should we move on to 91--the year I graduated high school and grunge broke? therealsubmeat: '91... I was both a community radio MD and homeless much of that year. what a shitty year. June 27, 2003
In German, It's Called Komisch Freitag This story made me laugh, especially the quote they pulled: If people want to know about it, they should know I won the contest. Rock. You and your pretty penis. Kiki & Herb fans should note just who has these pictures. I had the pleasure of having drinks with D-Lo last night. Fortunately we both didn't show up wearing tank tops and capri pants. Just him. While enjoying a pitcher of margaritas and a bite to eat, a bird flew and sat on our table to be close to him. Just like in that Carpenters' song. He's kinda like St. Francis of Assisi in that way. Or Snow White.  June 26, 2003
Did Somebody Want this Soapbox? The bad thing about living in DC is that everything gets so political. Sometimes I wish we had another industry. Like fashion. But other than the House of D-Lo, there's not much here now is there? If we were a fashion capital, maybe Tyra and the girls would stop by. I could be the one that Robin tries to get to take her around town for her go-sees, but I would totally take her to the wrong places.... Oh girl, you wanted Cleavland Park? I thought you said Anacostia, my bad. Better start praying! First Fight. Then Fiddle. There will be joyous celebrations of sodomy today. I urge you all to partake (or at least watch). But there is more to be done. There is always more to be done. Consider how a more conservative Supreme Court would have ruled today. Scalia, the man who would be king under Bush II, offers this in his dissenting opinion: Many Americans do not want persons who openly engage in homosexual conduct as partners in their business, as scoutmasters for their children, as teachers in their children's schools, or as boarders in their home. They view this as protecting themselves and their families from a lifestyle that they believe to be immoral and destructive. Some people dislike the direct comparison of race and sexual orientation. I don't have a huge problem with it but see there are many thorns there--the history of racism and slavery, the question of "choice" in being gay (which may never go away), among others. A better analogy in my view is religion. After all, religious preference is a strong aspect of identity, although not something immutable, and has been protected (for the most part) throughout the country's history. Substitute "persons who openly practice the Christian/Muslim/Jewish/Buddhist/Hindu/etc. faith" in Scalia's opinion. It would still be a true statement, but not legally defensible. The danger of Bush's re-election is real. Some may say it is a given, but my faith in democracy is still strong. I pledge now to work for change. As with many things, Ginsberg (Allen, not Ruth Bader) said it best: America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel. June 24, 2003
Metablogging Blogging about blogging is sort of silly, but I just came across this from weekend "All Things Considered." The June 22 show features a piece about this guy who happens across the blog of a woman he knows. He finds out that she has a crush on him. I agree with the ethicist's advice. If you post it online, it's not private. I wonder if this will happen with me and Jake Gyllenhaal? In other blog-related news, you can keep up on the happenings at Warner Industries thanks to Lisa "Blair" Whelchel's "Daily Journal," [via Jonno]. Though, someone should explain to her that it's not really daily if you only post once a week. I'd love to wear this on my next trip abroad. [via blogdex] The 10K Giveaway I debated doing this. It's been done. By people cuter and smarter than me, no less. But what the hell, I'm in a good mood today. So here's the deal--I'm getting close to 10,000 on the counter to the left there. If you are the 10,000th visitor to the site and can prove it by sending me a screenshot, you'll win a fabulous mix CD made by yours truly. The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Age Okay, so a few weeks ago I read a bitchy gossip column (I know, strange for me, right?) that compared the relationship between Demi and Ashton to Harold & Maude. Yeah, um, no. She's only 40 (or so she says). He's 25. Comparing their little fling with the relationship of a woman in her seventies and a teenager is a bit much. It just goes to show you that being older and female is still bad in Hollywood. I say go for it, Demi. I know I'd be all over that. Come here, Ashton, let me show you what being punk'd is all about. June 23, 2003
I'll Take Cheesy Comedies from 1980 for $400, Alex I have a soft spot for late '70s/early '80s women's comedies. I guess that's a pretty stupid term, but I can't think of a better one. Imbued with a sanitized feminist sensibility, these films showed sisters kicking ass and taking names in a world full of pigs, thugs, and Reaganomics. Who needed Gloria Steinem when I had Lily Tomlin? Perhaps the best of these is Nine to Five, featuring the brilliant team of Tomlin, Jane Fonda, and Dolly Parton (who also penned the infectious theme) who kidnap their chauvinistic boss, Dabney Coleman. Interestingly, even 23 years later, a lot of the progressive office policies the women put into place after taking over (on-site daycare, job sharing, flexible hours) are still a rarity. I'm not sure if How to Beat the High Co$t of Living was a knock-off of Nine to Five, but there are many similarities. You have a trio of women--this time Susan Saint James, Jane Curtin, and Jessica Lange--who break the law for a good cause. Okay, it's really a selfish cause, but there are some really funny scenes. Thanks to Curtin's strip tease towards the end, this movie also marks the first time I saw a woman's breasts on screen. With my mother, no less. Saint James, fresh from being Wife in "McMillan and Wife," and Curtin, fresh from being an ignorant slut, later teamed up for the saccharine sitcom "Kate and Allie." Oh, and Dabney Coleman's in this one too, but as a nice cop who falls for Curtin. Lily Tomlin followed Nine to Five by playing the title role in The Incredible Shrinking Woman. While radically different from Todd Haynes' Safe, this movie also comments on the chemicals we bring in our homes. It raises some interesting points about the artificial, antiseptic life that many Americans strive for. Most of all, though, it's a chance for Tomlin to do what she does best--physical comedy and playing multiple roles. Ms. "I Dream of Jeannie" Herself, Barbara Eden stars in 1978's Harper Valley P.T.A., the story of a single mother who triumphs over sanctimonious hypocrites. Based on the song of the same name, this movie also spawned a television series, again starring Eden. I think I actually remember the short-lived TV show better than the movie. And I think the song was better than either of those. Finally, one film that I sometimes wonder if anyone besides my sister and I saw--The North Avenue Irregulars. This movie holds a special place in my heart for two reasons: Cloris Leachman. She's more than just a poor man's Mrs. Garrett substitute. ***** Workplace dangers: Leaving your door open and your speakers at a moderately audible level as you run to the restroom. Especially when the boss is talking to someone in the hall outside your door and Launchcast decides to throw out a song like this. June 21, 2003
Strange Interchange Friday afternoon, as I'm getting lunch at a strip mall on Route 1. Man In Red Bandana: Hey buddy! Me (looking around to make sure it's my attention he's trying to attract, hoping it's not): Uh, yeah? MIRB: Din't there used to be a record store there? Me: Yeah, the Record and Tape Exchange. MIRB: It's gone? Me: Uh, yeah. MIRB: How long's it been gone? Me: I dunno. Two, three years. MIRB: Shit. And there's no record store anywhere near campus? Me: No, I guess not anymore. MIRB: Fuckin' Rumsfeld. He might as well start eating people now. Me (ducking into Korean grocery): Uh-huh. June 20, 2003
'shä-d&n-"froi-d& It's a delicious emotion sometimes. Right now I'm feeling it in spades. The universe keeps score. This I know. When karma kicks your ass, don't expect me to shed a single tear. I'm sitting here doing my happy dance because you caused too many people too much grief for far too long. And, lady, you finally got what you deserve. In totally unrelated news, I rediscovered my Mary Prankster CD. They always say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. June 19, 2003
Follow the Leader Ladies and gentleman, the downside of Launch. When you go to skip a song (or banish it forever from your playlist) and you get this message: Because you exceeded a usage threshold this month, you are listening to limited free LAUNCHcast, which does not allow skipping. This forces you to listen to "Don't Know Much" from Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville or shut down and start over. That shit ain't right. Following Addaboy's lead, my sports-related Dinner for Five:
June 18, 2003
June 17, 2003
Nine June 1994: My life was going nowhere fast. Isn't that how it always starts? I'd failed out of school the previous fall and was told by the administration to "take the spring to evaluate my priorities." So that summer, I was retaking a class I failed in the fall to prove to them that I was indeed worthy of an education. I wasn't worried. The only reason I failed it originally was because I stopped going to class and turning in assignments. Somehow this kept me from passing. It was the gateway course for English majors--intro to literary studies. Lots of theory--intertextuality, semiotics, feminism, poststructuralism, postcolonialism--a syllabus so full of buzzwords it read like the sweet nothings whispered during a conference hookup at the MLA. But there was a different theme I picked up on in the readings. Christopher Marlowe's Edward II, the film version by Derek Jarman, Jeanette Winterson's Written on the Body. Almost all the books were queer. Perhaps because the instructor was a big old dyke, perhaps because it was the 25th anniversary of Stonewall, or perhaps because the fates aligned it for me, knowing as they did that I needed a literary push to come out, to come to terms with what I'd been running away from for twenty years. So, I started reading these books, and books about these books, and books about homosexuality near the books about these books. It was clicking. It was time. I had taken a job as a waiter at an all-you-can-eat seafood house in the mall near campus. It was my first day. The guy who would be training me sat me in the booth, handed me a menu, and then ran off to get something. As I studied the menu, trying to tell the difference between bay and sea scallops, this tall, thin kid walked in and stood next to me. I looked up and stared. I think I stared, at least. It may have only been a glance, but it felt much longer. He talked for a minute to the trainer and then plopped down in the seat opposite me. He had a sort of skater haircut, soft blond curls shooting over his forehead. His smile was amazing. His eyes lit up as he fiddled through the book he brought with him. I looked at its spine: The Temporary Autonomous Zone. "What are you reading?" "Oh, it's this cool book. It's all about anarchy and poetic terrorism." I fell in love right there. We got to know each other that week in training, but he only lasted a week after that. Fortunately for me, although he's a horrible waiter, he makes a wonderful partner. June 16, 2003
What Exit? Driving in New Jersey always reminds me of visiting my grandparents. I remember crossing the Delaware Memorial Bridge and wanting to be the one who got to hold the ticket for the NJ Turnpike. I studied it. It was my guide to the state. Each exit we passed marked by my thumb until we got to the Garden State Parkway at Exit 11. I preferred the Turnpike because it was staffed by people. Unlike the Parkway, with its drive by coin bins, leaving the Turnpike meant handing your ticket and toll to an actual person. Sometimes, if I was in the rear driver's side seat, my mother would pull up a bit farther and let me complete the transaction. On the Parkway, I wasn't allowed to do this after an ill-fated toss resulted in the quarter landing to the left of the bin and angry Jersey drivers honking as I slipped out of the car to retrieve it. I also loved the rest stops along the Turnpike, which are named for famous citizens of the Garden State--Molly Pitcher, James Fenimore Cooper, Walt Whitman. This weekend, I marvelled at the cleanliness of the Walt Whitman stop (especially in comparison to the filthy Maryland House on 95, just outside of Aberdeen). We used to buy these activity books that came with a special pen. I think they were mostly full of trivia, which would explain why my family liked them so much. They had multiple-choice questions and you could take the special pen and run it over the spot next to the answer you selected. This revealed invisible ink that told you if you were right or not. This weekend, I looked in the gift shop, among the New Jersey collectible spoons and I♥NY shot glasses, but wasn't able to find them. The chemicals in the special pen were probably found to be toxic. The weekend was wonderful. The wedding was beautiful. My father suggested that we all go to Toronto so Glenn and I can get married. His wife wants to know where we'll register. I haven't even popped the question. Things move pretty fast around here. June 13, 2003
No Fucking Shit "If these Mount Everests of the financial world are going to labor and bring forth still more pictures with people being blown to bits with bazookas and automatic assault rifles with no gory detail left unexploited, if they are going to encourage anxious, ambitious actors, directors, writers and producers to continue their assault on the English language by reducing the vocabularies of their characters to half a dozen words, with one colorful but overused Anglo-Saxon verb and one unbeautiful Anglo-Saxon noun covering just about every situation, then I would like to suggest that they stop and think about this: making millions is not the whole ball game, fellows. Pride of workmanship is worth more. Artistry is worth more." -Gregory Peck, upon receiving the American Film Institute's Life Achievement Award in 1989. (thanks to N for pointing this out from the New York Times) June 12, 2003
What it Means to Be the Baby in My Family Voicemail on my office phone: Hi Chris, this is your sister, just calling to check in. Oh, and I'm supposed to find a nice way to make sure that you have a haircut before the wedding. Talk to you later. This makes me want to dye my hair blue tonight. Not bright blue, though. That would clash with my suit. Nice to know that coming up on 30 hasn't changed the way my family sees me. I think I need a little breather. Or maybe Brit and I should meet up for cocktails later? June 10, 2003
I have a dream. And in that dream, I hear Tyra Banks tell me, "Congratulations, you are still in the running to become America's top model." Sincerely Flattering, I'm Sure A parody/homage to get your war on! [via trueboy] I'm so easily June 09, 2003
Pleased to Meet You, Hope You Guessed My Name So, he came up this weekend and we had a rocking good time. I could go into details, but he already has, so I'll spare you. I also had the pleasure of meeting him this weekend. Though I didn't get to meet up with him, I know it's not because he hates me. It's just Tom he hates. I would also like to thank the person who sent me an email that made my self esteem jump a few notches. You rock. I'm really over Bill and Hill. Don't get me wrong, he was the best president of my lifetime and I have a lot of respect for him. But with the release of her book, I feel like we've taken a step back in time. And not in the good my-401(k)-is-actually-worth-something way. I've made my peace with the whole thing long ago, and I don't need to hear the talking heads blabber about it ad infinitum. And really, don't they have enough to do with all the missing white girls and killer outbreaks? June 05, 2003
Insignificant Thought of the Day While driving to work this morning, listening to "The Jump Off" by Lil' Kim, I puzzled on this lyric: Don't he know queen bee got the ill deep throat? / Let me show you what im all about / How i make a sprite can dissapear in my mouth. First, props, that's impressive, I guess. Second, since Sprite is a registered trademark of The Coca-Cola Company, did Lil' Kim need to seek their approval before putting that out? If so, could we see footage of the staff meeting where this matter was discussed? June 04, 2003
Truth Square One night after a party during my senior year of high school, I ended up in a park with two other guys and a girl. We had a six-pack of Beast, some smokes, and that boundless energy you have when you're almost done with one phase of your life. None of us were really best friends. The two guys were closer than I was to either of them, but one was going to let me crash at his house that night since the party was in his neighborhood. The girl was someone I knew well enough to know that I liked her, but had only recently discovered why. I watched as Barbara sat on the swing and tapped ashes of her cigarette in a neat pile at her feet. When I first met her, I thought we had nothing in common. She ran with the cheerleaders. She had boys falling at her feet. One day, after European History, she offered to give me a ride to the house of a mutual friend who lived near her. In her beat-up blue Chevy, she fuddled through a collection of cassettes, finally settling on "Pretty Hate Machine." She sang under her breath, the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car. It threw me. I guess I figured her for a Bon Jovi or NKOTB fan. Why would she listen to something like this? We talked about it, briefly, in vague teenage terms: "I dunno, it's just like, funny and makes sense, and I feel like that sometimes." The tone of her voice said more than her words. It took something as simple as that for me to look outside of myself long enough to see that everyone's life is complicated in its own way. No one gets by. (That's Trent Reznor for you, always bringing people together). That night in the park, we decided to sit and finish off the beers before heading home. On the cement of the playground was a faded paint four square. We each took up residence in one of the squares and talked. One of the guys asked Barbara a question. I forget what it was about--probably what some girl really thought of him. She hemmed. Then he said, "come on, tell me. I can take it." She looked unconvinced. "How about this? Whatever we say to each other in the confines of this square has to be the truth. And none of what we say can leave here." So there it was. The truth square was formed. We did it a few times that year after parties. Beyond class and clique and consequences, the four of us shared things none would share outside the borders of that blacktop. I'd say more about it, but I still respect those boundaries. It all sounds so "Breakfast Club" now, but it was freeing. To a point. One night, one of the guys asked me if I was gay. "What would make you think that, man?" I started to catalog all the telltale signs I thought I'd covered so well for years. I thought about all the times I'd read in books that fantasizing about other boys didn't make you gay. It was a phase, I was sure. I just couldn't be gay. I wasn't going to let it happen to me. "Oh, I don't know. I sorta got that feeling. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, I was just wondering." But there was everything wrong with it in my head at that moment. It was the one and only time I lied inside the square. Though, I wonder if it's lying if you haven't accepted the truth yourself? June 03, 2003
The Doors of Exception I have an office. With the growth of cube farms in the workplace, it's something I treasure. Actually, the office isn't that great, but the door is. I like to shut my door when I am hard at work because just outside is a busy hallway. Apparently this is bad because (as I was told quietly recently) "no one knows if you're really working then." Maybe they could tell that by the fact that I produce something. Silly me. And trust me, my amazing peripheral vision/ADD/eavesdropping ass is not going to get more work done with an open door. Especially if I see a nice pair of legs. That door is like a set of blinders that allows me to race through the day. A friend's office actually had a committee get together to come up with a "door policy." Again, some in the office felt that a closed door was somehow rude. These people haven't heard of knocking, I take it. She and her officemates were told by the committee how long they could keep their doors closed; what the meaning of a closed, nearly closed, and wide open door meant in the office; and given tidbits of advice like "don't always rely on email, sometimes it's nice to talk face-to-face." I'm sorry, is this my job or my social life? Are you the office manager or Julie McCoy? Maybe I'm just anti-social, but I don't really need to make friends where I work. I've had that before and it was wonderful (and many are still among my closest friends). Relationships happens naturally, though, not through forcing doors open or having teambuilding activities or bonding retreats. I just want to shut my door, listen to some good music, and do my job. June 02, 2003
Randomination Jimbo is the homo in the know, apparently, and clued me in to the newest urban hipster happening. I had a good time, though I liked the music much better than the space. If you have two levels, have two bars. At least that's my take. I did meet the artist formerly known as [art is for losers] in real life. It was a true treat. Oh, and we were talking about you. Yes, you. Expect a June 2004 wedding. One thing I really like about him is that he is just at home scoping men out here as he is here. Rock. (I apologize if I've been saying "rock" too much, but I've had a strange longing to watch Sifl & Olly. I really miss that show. Rock.) In other news, I'm loving this site which he pointed out a few weeks ago. There's something very cool about the participatory nature of it. Let the people design, let the people model, let the people decide what to produce. I'm such a commie at heart. Okay, no, I'm not. But, in an ideal world, I would be. However, I'm a realist and know that communism doesn't work because some people are lazy. Some people being me. Perhaps this for you and you? <sarcasm> Isn't it wonderful that this woman was tapped to investigate the Air Force Academy's sexual violence problem? No bias there, apparently. </sarcasm> Black Sheep of the Day: Toby Keith. I'm becoming more and more of a Dixie Chicks fan every day. His ridiculous jingoistic song deserves to be banned, not theirs. If we can't speak out against our leaders, what the hell are we fighting this "war" for? June 01, 2003
June Is Bustin' Out All Over You know it's gonna be a good month when you turn the page of your Wonder Woman 2003 calendar (thanks sis!) and see this:  Rock. And to the left, you'll also notice part of my collection of campaign memorbilia from a presidential candidate with the same last name as yours truly (Eugene, not the man behind the evil -ism). Coming back from a vacation is always hard, but at least June is looking to be a fun-filled month. This guy is coming to town. He's worried that he'll be turning me into his own personal homosexual DC tour guide, but it's a role I'm happy to play. Living for so long in a city of tourists, I've mastered the art of walking backwards and explaining the story behind the history. We're walking, we're walking. Don't touch that! On deck, I also have a little trip to the locale of many a Kevin Smith movie (Red Bank) for my cousin's wedding, a summit between my parents and Glenn's (okay, it's just dinner, but it feels like we're brokering some sort of peace accord, especially since it hasn't happened yet in the nine years we've been together), Oh and lots and lots of sunny days on the roof, cause lord knows this pale boy needs some color. And then it's a just a hop, skip, and a jump to my birthday month. The birthday month is an invention of my "other mother" (stepmother just sounds so cruel and Brothers Grimm), who thinks it's just not enough to celebrate yourself for one day. I wholeheartedly agree. Go out and celebrate yourselves everyday! HA! |
Sister Bernadette's Barking Dog: The Quirky History and Lost Art of Diagramming Sentences - Kitty Burns Florey  Sublimation Point - Jason Schneiderman 
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