|
|
|
| April 30, 2003
Hey Hon  One of the best things about dating a boy from Baltimore is catching him slip back into his native accent. Although I poke fun at it, it's also just about the cutest thing. If ever there were a need for the umlaut in English, it would be for those residents of Charm City who grew up goin' down the ocean, hon. Those unfamiliar with this special subset of English speakers might not appreciate the levels they add to a John Waters or Barry Levinson movie. Like the yahh, you betchas of Fargo, it could be easy to laugh off these films' regional touches as just local color. There's something that goes along with that accent, though. A certain lack of pretension. Waters captured that beautifully in Pecker, which was set in the Hampden, arguably the epicenter of Hons. It also happens to be where Glenn's mother grew up. Especially after spending some amount of time with his family, I'll hear him slip in words like hewme, awl, or wooter. (Home, oil, and water to most of us.) The uptight grammar nazi in me cringes. Fortunately, I've learned to beat him down to a tiny voice in the back of my head only useful for correcting my linguistic gaffes and not those of others. I've grown to love being called hon, god help me. **** A sign of the apocalypse? A nice dig at a bad idea. Sure they’re our big rivals and have a misguided superiority complex, but I love this. **** Black Sheep of the Day: These sick fucks. April 29, 2003
Inventory In my office, over my desk, is a picture of the Flatiron Building. I'll never forget the moment I first saw it in person. I fell in love immediately. It represents the thing I love most about cities. There are limits to space, but we find ways to make beauty fit into the room we're given. On the opposite wall, a poster from the Whitney that a friend sent me. Hopper's Chop Suey. I love that painting because I often stare at people in restaurants, eavesdrop too. When I see that woman staring right at me over her friend's shoulder, I feel like she's caught me. I also love it because my friend sent it to me as a random gift. No birthday. No Christmas. One day I pick up the mail and there's a tube with a poster sent from New York. When I look at the poster, I remember that I should try to be more like that. Other than that, my office is almost all papers and post-its, boxes of brochures and newsletters, books on design, and catalogs of stock images. It is cold and white. It has ugly pink modular furniture. This is no place for creativity. I feel a makeover brewing. Maybe this could be a new show for TLC. Black Sheep of the Day: House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, who said, "Senator Santorum took a very courageous and moral position based upon principles and his world view and it's unfortunate it's been distorted and I think it's unfortunate that the other side can't seem to debate a moral issue without trying to destroy somebody personally." Again, does he own a mirror? April 28, 2003
Sounds Like Someone Has a Case of the Mondays The party to end all parties was this Saturday and was a smashing success. My sister from another mister greeted 35 with a martini in one hand and (perhaps the most interesting gift of the evening) a leopard-fur-covered tampon case in the other. And, of course, a boy on each arm. I got much props for the music. And if I do say so myself, it did kick ass. Rock. The guests were all sorts of cute. The cakes were delicious (or so I hear). And my shirt brought tactile pleasure to all who brushed against me. I also seem to remember telling one young man, "Too bad you're straight, 'cause if you weren't I could hook you up so easily." True. Memorable quote of the weekend goes to Gurl, "He was all I don't normally do this. Please. If my vacuum worked that well, my floors would be spotless." Mu-huh. Speaking of which, the second to last letter to the editor here is entitled "Striking sodomy law is blow for equality." Word. Some of my favorite artists are behind this upcoming charity album. Sweet. But now I'm back at the office. And I'm writing articles for our newsletter that no one will read. And I'm wishing that I could have just one more day to the weekend. And I'm thinking of you, Ms. Nell Carter, and hoping you've finally gotten the break you deserve. And I'm also thinking of you, gentle reader, and hoping that your weekend was all that you wanted and more and that you have friends that love you as much as mine love me. Peace. April 26, 2003
April 25, 2003
Starry-Eyed Surprise LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You feel positive, and your mind is full of ideas and somewhat unrealistic plans. You need to be in control, and criticism will not be tolerated. State your case clearly. I do feel positive. I've had a great week. I've hung out a couple of times with Corey, who last night at dinner tried to explain how, when you focus on shapes and ignore distance, angles don't matter, which means a square could be a circle, and how a rope tied around a beach ball somehow shows that spheres are different and then my mind started to wander and I wonder if he wants to go back to a bar and grab a beer because my head hurts from trying to imagine this all in my head. Fortunately, we did. I've also read some posts, exchanged some emails, or had some chats that all made me feel really good about the world and my place in it from a good number of people listed to the left. Thanks. I'm sure I'll have lots more to say after this fun-filled party weekend. In the mean time, I leave you with this, which Corey sent me earlier this week. I don't understand why, but it makes me happy. April 24, 2003
Paula Zahn, Greta Van Susteren, and Ashleigh Banfield To Battle in 3-Way Cage Fight! How much is CNN loving it when they refer to the guy who was arrested for allegedly smuggling goods from Iraq as a former employee of Fox News Channel? You can almost see the anchors making a twisting motion with their hands for that imaginary knife. Love it. They're like a bunch of school girls fighting. And I'm not just talking about Anderson Cooper this time. Black Sheep of the Day: Jennie. Usually, this is reserved for people or groups who have pissed me off. She certainly doesn't fit that bill. But she asked for it, and we here at Chrisafer Industries aim to please. Besides, it's not always a bad thing to be the black sheep. Especially when the rest of the herd is so goddamn stupid. Something I'd never accuse her of being. Most definitely. April 23, 2003
Shifting Currents Current Goal: To become famous enough to be a c-list celebrity who VH1 will tap for pithy comments on I Love the 90s. "Oh my, Lollapalooza. Good times, good times." Current Regret: Owning a pair of pleated pants Current Phobia: Teleophobia Current Frustration: Liberal apathy Current Realization: I edit myself too much. Current Sick Thought: One day I will have enough extra money for laser eye surgery and rid myself of contacts forever but within weeks of the procedure a horrible accident will cause me to go blind. Current Secret Crush: Well then it wouldn't be a secret, would it? Current Disappointment: Madonna telling an MTV crowd she's not a feminist then adding she's a humanist. That's nice dear, and I'm not an environmentalist, I'm a Buddhist. Current Favorite Simile: "I love you like a fat kid love cake" Current Recurring Childhood Memory: Falling off of my bike when I was nine and getting a rusty hook stuck in my elbow, then insisting that it was no use to take me to the hospital since it was Easter Sunday and surely they were closed. Current Work Annoyance: They've replaced our usual coffee with some raspberry chocolate stuff that doesn't taste very good and smells even worse. Current Addiction: Certs® Powerful Mints Current Favorite Thing Overheard: (at Blockbuster) "We go to a black college, we are getting a black movie. No way in hell am I going back to that dorm with Swim Fan." Current Desire(s): More time, more sleep, more cuddling, more body-rocking sex, even more cuddling. Current Hero: Howard Dean. Current Blog Issue: I'm finding there are too many people being assholes to pick a Black Sheep of the Day. April 22, 2003
Trivial Salute Trivia night at Fadó was, of course, great fun. Jimbo and I were on the very-close-to-winning team. We would have done better if Corey hadn't been such a good liar. A man with an honest face and a devious mind is a very dangerous thing. I should know. I love trivia and was raised in a trivia family. I realize whenever we get together (as we did this Sunday for Easter) that we all know way too much useless information. It actually frightens Glenn. It's hard to describe the look of horror on his face when my sister and I were debating whether Sandra Dee was the original Gidget or not. (I was right, she was). But it is what we do. It is the bond we share. My brother and sisters and I are all very different from each other, but we all respect the knowledge. Until I saw us through Glenn's eyes, I never realized how competative we are--always trying to outdo each other with more and more obscure facts. I guess it could be seen as a good thing or a bad thing, but mostly I see it as the way it was, is, and always will be. It's the nature of siblings: You have to fight for the spotlight, but--because of them--the light is much brighter. April 21, 2003
Minsk's Most Wanted Hip hop has long been missing a Slavic, snowboarding boxer type. Thanks to Ill Mitch for filling that void. What a country! Speaking of which, the real Yakov is apparently in Branson, Misery. More proof that my head would explode within five minutes of setting foot inside their city limits. True Story In desktop publishing and document design, we try to avoid tombstone headlines, when two headlines of similar size and typeface border each other so as to appear to be one. I guess no one taught this lesson to the staff at a movie theater near my mother's house, whose marquee read "Malibu's Most Wanted Holes." April 18, 2003
Everyday Is Like Sunday As I walked into the building where I work today, someone had taped a handmade sign near the elevators which read in pink highlighter, "Who stole my spring?" That sums it up for me. We better have a fucking brilliant green summer after this winter/spring of endless gray days. I miss my spring, and the spring in my step that it brings, and all of those wonderful things. But as I told this guy yesterday, I am an optimist. A very sarcastic optimist. So I will look for the good things happening beneath the clouds. I got a mix CD in the mail yesterday from him, good tips for what to do in Montreal from him, and an invitation to team up for trivia at Fadó with him and him (and you boys should know, I take my encyclopedic knowledge of useless things very seriously). And I finally caught the Buffy that everyone's been talking to me about. In honor of this triumph, I now proudly introduce the Xander smiley: .-) Black Sheep of the Day: The Club for Growth. First, can't we get off this bullshit anti-French streak? It's tired. And, how is not supporting a tax cut for the wealthiest Americans unpatriotic? Of course, I've always felt that trickle-down economics just means the rich can piss on the rest of us, so I may be biased. April 16, 2003
WTF? Wednesday What "scary, emotional place" did playing a cartoon require him to live in? Can't we have just one crazy world dictator who isn't gay? If it is an "injustice to...treat him like a criminal," how should we treat him? Will all the white, heterosexual, Christian, American men who speak Arabic and Korean please stand up? What was that saying about a woman scorned? How much longer will we be subjected to faux lesbianism? After reading this article's last line, I'm left wondering... does Mr. Lively's house have mirrors? Black Sheep of the Day: Lisa Ling. She moves into the neighborhood and doesn't even introduce herself. I'll have to be on the lookout at the Payless on Columbia...maybe Starr Jones will be there when she comes to visit La Lisa. April 15, 2003
Taxation Without Representation Today, millions of Americans will wait in line at the post office to make sure they fulfill their obligations to pay taxes. But for more than half a million Americans like me who live in the District of Columbia, those taxes are paid without voting representation in congress. Our checks are cashed and spent without any input from us as to where that money should go. I have yet to hear an argument for this lack of equality that makes sense. I’ve been told that this is way the framers of the Constitution wanted it, so we should respect that. Those men also thought it fair to count slaves as 3/5 of a person and that women should not be given the right to vote. I don’t know many people who think the framers were right on those issues (well, maybe Trent Lott). Others suggest that it would be unfair for such a small group of people to have two senators and a representative. If that’s the case, let’s disenfranchise the citizens of Wyoming while we’re at it. After all, they have fewer citizens that the District. As for land area, Alaska is more than 547 times the size of Rhode Island, but no one proposes to take away Little Rhody’s voting representatives. Though with their history of corruption in government, it may not be a bad idea. Which brings me to my favorite argument against DC voting equality: "If they can’t even keep a crackhead from becoming Mayor, what kind of congressional delegation would we get if we let them have one?" There are times when I wonder who but a crackhead would want to run a city that has such little power over its own affairs. As DC Vote points out, "all locally passed laws must be sent to Congress for review. Congress has frequently overruled decisions of the locally elected government and has even overturned citizen-passed ballot initiatives." This congressional meddling includes the ten years between the time the DC City Council passed legislation allowing for registration of domestic partners (which, as far as dp legislation goes, is pretty toothless) and when it was "allowed" to come into law. Or the Barr amendment which forbids DC citizens from even voting on the issue of medicinal marijuana, despite the fact that 38,000 DC voters signed a petition to get it on the ballot. It's interesting that so many of the people behind this stonewalling are the same ones that cry out for states' rights. There have been many suggestions made as to how to rectify this situation: DC Statehood, retroceding non-federal DC land to Maryland, elimination of federal taxes for DC residents until such time as they have full voting representation, to name a few. I have a different idea. I want to vote for each and every member of congress. Sure, it will take me a long time to cast 468 or 469 ballots each two years, but I think it's only fair given the power they wield over me. Of course, this might mean Wyoming will have a much more liberal (and probably blacker) delegation, but they won't mind, will they? Black Sheep of the Day: Congress, the Supreme Court, and the White House for preventing 1 in 500 Americans who pay taxes, serve in wars, and participate in government from having their voices fully heard in our representative democracy. April 14, 2003
Is This Thing On? This weekend saw: a trip with the in-laws (though there really isn't any law involved, unfortunately) to the International Spy Museum, a fun-filled night at Cobalt (during which, a boy band spontaneously formed behind Gurl--complete with the shy one, the "ethnic" one, the pretty one, and the silly hat-wearing thuggish one), and an entertaining and informative chat with this guy (anytime I can debate whether a line was said by Chuck D. or Flavor Flav, I'm happy). It looks as though in my zeal to make sure Glenn and I got on the same flight to Montreal as our travelling companions, I neglected to notice that while we are on the same flight, those flights are on different days. Apparently, we'll be arriving a day earlier than the rest of the crew. I could change it, but it would end up costing more than a hotel room for one night. I guess that means we have a bonus day to our vacation. Je suis un idiot. Of course, this means we get an extra day of vacation. Perhaps a nice romantic dinner? Je suis un génie. Okay, I really need to stop pretending I know French. It will only get me in trouble (again) when I'm there. Found in the rubble of Uday Hussein's former palace: Madge. Further proof that she is indestructable. Those who read Swedish can find more here. Black Sheep of the Day: Sony, et. al. This line really puzzles me: "The U.S. Patent and Trademark office has more than a dozen recent applications for uses of the phrase, including for fireworks, lingerie, baby toys, shampoo and consulting services." What kind of baby toy will use "shock and awe" as its slogan? April 11, 2003
Je suis excité Just booked my flight to Montreal for the end of May. I'm very happy. It's such a beautiful place. And I know I'll have a blast considering who my travelling companions are. I'm looking forward to many nights on Rue Ste. Catherine and many days putting that Canadian dollar to work in the shops. I'm also a little nervous. It's been about two years since I've flown. In other words, I haven't been on a plane since a certain event happened. I know that I shouldn't worry, that it's safer now, but I'm still anxious. I don't like being in confined spaces (like economy class seats) for very long. Hurtling in the air doesn't make it better. And it's not exactly like the rest of the world likes Americans at the time. Gurl, who will be travelling with me, suggests I get some meds to make it all better. I think I just might. The question is, how do I ask my doctor for that without looking like her? Je ne suis pas un toxicomane. April 10, 2003
Like the Deserts Miss the Rain If there's one thing I will miss about the Saddam regime, it's him. (via Beaverhausen Blog) If there's one thing I'll miss about winter it's these If there's one thing I'll miss about him, it's posts with titles like this. No wait, there's a lot more than one thing I'll miss about him. Black Sheep of the Day: Big Brother April 09, 2003
Maybe I'm a Bit Too Sensitive So, I get the following email from a former co-worker: From: dumbass@formeroffice.edu To: me@mybetteroffice.edu Subject: Iraqi jokes What is the Iraqi air force motto? I came, I saw, Iran. Have you heard about the new Iraqi air force exercise program? Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there. What's the five-day forecast for Baghdad? Two days. What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common? They both have Kurds in their way. What is the best Iraqi job? Foreign ambassador. Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? You only have to teach them to take off. How do you play Iraqi bingo? B-52 ... F-16 ... A-10 ... B-1 What is Iraq's national bird? Duck. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common? They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from! Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air force. Now, usually I scorn extreme political correctness when it comes to humor. I'd much rather have someone who I know respects me tell me a good fag joke than have someone who I know has issues with me call me a "homosexual American" (and that has happened to me). But this was really troubling to me for a few reasons: 1.) Are we really supposed to be happy for the death of Iraqi soldiers? With a country (like Iraq) whose army is not all-volunteer (like ours) basically what you're doing is laughing at the poor young men and boys who were forced into service. And due to the brutality of the Iraqi regime, they couldn't even defect if they wanted to without fear of being shot in the back by their leaders. At the risk of sounding like a 5th column hippy freak, I mourn the loss of those soldiers. I know their death probably prevented the deaths of American soldiers or innocent Iraqis (whose deaths I mourn as well, of course), but I still feel for those soldiers who really had no choice in the matter. We may feel joy in the end of Saddam's regime, but not at the expense of these children. B.) Many of these jokes just don't make sense. Has anyone heard anything about the Iraqi Air Force? No, because they're really hasn't been one in this war. There were no dogfights. I may be wrong, but I don't think one single Iraqi plane was shot down. Same for the Iraqi navy. This has been (for the Iraqis) an entirely land-based fight, save for the few cheap missiles lobbed towards Kuwait. III.) Um, how would we feel if we heard about email jokes going around emails between Muslims about 9/11. Pretty pissed off, I'm guessing. Black Sheep of the Day: like you have to ask. April 07, 2003
The Exposition Fairy I got an email from my friend Jason last night that made my day. He actually met the man who came up with the name "The Exposition Fairy" for the Television Without Pity (nè Mighty Big TV) recaplets of Boston Public. He doesn't know it, but that man is my hero. I live for the day when I can capture something's essence that perfectly. There was a time when I watched that awful show just so Taryn and I could read the recaplets to each other at work. That's why I was her favorite boss. I enabled and encouraged slack time. No, I demanded it. Of course, that's one of those benefits of Jason being in New York. In DC, I'm more likely to run into the man who came up with "axis of evil." Neither as funny nor as precise as "exposition fairy." Black Sheep of the Day: The Phelps Family. Of course, they could be Black Sheep of the Millenium for their behavior, but now they're going after Mr. Rogers? Whatthefuckever! April 06, 2003
Delightful (to borrow a word from Meghan) A good weekend all around. Friday night at Cobalt. Highlight: the four of us doing color commentary on the two boys hooking up at the bar. I'm still in shock and awe that their belts were somehow unbuckled during the exchange. Yesterday, saw Bend it Like Beckham with Glenn, Gurl, and Gurl's co-worker. Utterly delightful. Go see it. Especially if you, like me, feel that encouraging young women to get into sports will do wonders for them physically, socially, and mentally. Also if you, like me, have some sort of thing for skinny Irish boys like Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Or if you, like me, think it's high time that all of us go see movies that don't have white people starring in them; after all the rest of the world has put up with that shit for far too long. I'm still in dire need of help with music for the big party at the end of the month. Of course, I'm mining his best singles list but I'm still working to make the perfect mix. I hate being responsible for keeping the groove going, what if I drop the ball? Black Sheep of the Day: our cat, I know he's on steroids, but waking me up with constant bitching isn't the way into my heart. At all. April 04, 2003
A High Fidelityesque Top Five If you had to make a few hours of party music, ranging from circa 1968 to today, what would be your top five choices? I don't know if I can narrow this down, and I'm sure that these are not my all-time top five, but this is what's swimming in my head at the moment.
 April 03, 2003
Jesus Loves You More Than You Will Know (Whoa Whoa Whoa) Do you like parties? Will you be in the greater DC area on Saturday, April 26? If so let me know, as I am on the planning committee for the upcoming birthday celebration for my "sister from another mister." We've taken over a whole bar and everything. So what if you don't know her? She doesn't know you either and inisisted I post something about it here. As she's entering her sexual prime, and young boys seem to be falling all over her (especially at Red)--not to mention that it was song of the year when she was born--this promises to be a very Mrs. Robinson evening. 
Of course, at least a two-thirds of them will be gay, but who's counting? State of the World I'm loving: cherry blossoms, my boyfriend, Snoop Dogg's "Beautiful", Vintage seltzer, "Angel" and "Buffy," a possible trip to Montréal in May, the upcoming "A Mighty Wind," the return of shorts (and legs), vodka tonics. I'm not loving: Fox News, paying taxes, uncomfortable couches, my inability to find someone I trust to cut my hair (bad signs from last one: when I noticed a Glamour Shot on her beautician's license and when the salon owner took over halfway through the last cut for a "teachable moment"), the current administration, "new" music from people who've been dead for more than two years. I'm indifferent to: Cobalt, John Kerry, 90% of restaurants in DC, completing this list. April 01, 2003
Random Thoughts Tuesday Are the other members of Take That jealous of Robbie Williams? If not, shouldn't they be? Recent Google searches: "luke recker shirtless," "jake gyllenhaal shirtless," "shirtless preppy boys." I'm sensing a pattern. He is so right. This made me feel sick this morning. Madge pulls the plug on "American Life." I'm sure it's already on Kazaa, though. Evil nicknames for bars my friends have: "The Island of Misfit Toys" and "God's Waiting Room." I, of course, would never make fun of anything in that way. Black Sheep (Quote) of the Day: "The war among the press is about as intense as the war in Iraq," Fox prime-time host Bill O'Reilly said in a telephone interview. Yeah, Bill, I totally agree. It's fair to compare bitching and whining amongst overpaid, misinformed media "personalities" to the death and destruction the soldiers and Iraqi civilians are going through. Completely! |
Sister Bernadette's Barking Dog: The Quirky History and Lost Art of Diagramming Sentences - Kitty Burns Florey  Sublimation Point - Jason Schneiderman 
|
||||
 
|
